Special Sauce

A mish-mash of twisted thoughts from a fevered ego. Updated when the spirit moves me, contents vary and may have settled during shipping. Do not open towards eyes. Caution: Ingestion of Special Sauce may cause hair loss, halitosis, and a burning sensation while urinating.


Topamax- Continued

This is more kvetching about Topamax, the Ike Turner of migraine medications.

Man, this taste alteration keeps continuing. I'm sad to report that fatty salty things are next on the list. French fries and Five Guys just don't taste right. They're OK, but they're not the orgasmic little balls of delight that they SHOULD be, and that I know they are. Old Bay seasoning now tastes really weird (odd, because last week it was acceptable), and pretty much any deep-fried anything tastes gross.

Smells are pretty jacked up too. Hot oil especially- walking into Weis is difficult. Seriously... this stuff DOES work, but it's doing a number on my senses.

I've figured out too that while cherry Coke tastes like copper coated sawdust, Dr. Pepper tastes like it should. Hooray!

On a lighter note, I get to play with kitties today.


Clinicals: Day 1.

Well, wasn't that special.

Today I learned that the videos we ordered are horribly acted, and are totally giggle inducing. That the guy that plays "whispering Dan" is trying way too hard to sound sick, that the Crystal Cleary and Mr. Johnston should smack that bitch of a nurse each time she comes in the room.

I am predicting a "Fundamentals of Nursing DVD Drinking Game" being created in 4-3-2...

  • Every time a nurse who has already introduced herself to a patient more than once, reintroduces herself and checks the exact same armband, drink.
  • Every time the Asian nurse says "excuse my reach" drink.
  • Every time the poorly mic'd African-American lady mumbles, drink.
  • Every time Whispering Dan whispers his name, drink.
  • Every time they roll a patient, insert that garbage bag, roll them back to pull it through, pull the patient 2 inches on the bag, then roll them twice to get the fucking bag back out, DRINK!
  • Every time the DVD pauses at a weird spot without any interference from the remote, drink.
If you can make it through 3 or more video segments without passing out, consider yourself more manly than me.

14 more weeks...


It Must Have Been Something I Ate

Part food review, part something else...

We have a new restaurant in town, J.B. Dawson's. Cute place- nice atmosphere, dark clubby kind of look. Food's excellent and the lunch specials are priced well. Nothing on the lunch menu is over 10.00, (maybe one thing is 10.99) and includes a lot of nice fish dishes. I had an excellent crab alfredo pasta dish that was delicious. Nice bit of Old Bay seasoning in the sauce, and they accommodated my request for penne instead of linguine. (Linguine is too difficult to eat while conversing with friends.) Bonus: With a little fat-free half and half, it reheated nicely, and combined well with some broccoli for dinner.

Now, the gripe. The first time I was there, I chalked up the horrendously slow service to the fact that the restaurant had just opened. But this time it's over a month later, and it's STILL horrendously slow. Our server would disappear for entire ice ages between bringing beverages, forgot one person's soup and by the time she brought the bread out, our entrees had arrived. Maybe we're just getting the "B" squad, since visits have been over lunchtime, but c'mon.

I also realize that they operate on a "team" basis, where any staff member can assist you. However, we rarely saw any staff members, much less our own. (Though the first person we DID see was a manager type who very quickly brought the missing soup.)
That said. I'll be back at least once more for dinner, because I do like the atmosphere, and I hear the tilapia is awesome. But if the service doesn't live up to the decor, I may give up.

On an unrelated note, a special shout out to the people running our nursing program. Kudos to you, who noticed less than a week before the start of classes that you were missing a ***!!!crucial!!!*** set of DVDs from the required book purchase list, that we absolutely must go back and purchase immediately.

All I can say is that if we don't use these motherfucking DVDs every damn lab, and they are not the most helpful, awesome things ever*, I am going to personally cram them up someone's ass, in shards. There goes another 85 bucks that could be spent on groceries, electric, or anger management classes or something USEFUL.

*Five bucks says it's a whole bunch of "This is how you wash your hands." "This is how you roll a patient." "This is how you give a bath to a patient in a bed." bullshit that they're supposed to actually, y'know TEACH.


I can include...

"badass hairdresser" as one of my many titles now.

P's been running around looking eerily like a hippie lately. He's about one tie-dyed pair of longjohns away from following the Dead around in a VW Bus. I don't think he's had his hair cut since before we went on vacation in mid-June. In short- the man needed a trim, stat.

We, being of little funds, but ample creativity decided to whip out the Wahl and give it a try. And honest to pete, it looks presentable. I achieved the blended sides/back thing, and kept the top long and textured. Yay me. With goop in it, it'll even look like it wasn't homemade!

In other news, we got to take the bikes out today, which was nice. I got to try out my new helmet (which fit beautifully) and gloves (ditto) and got to pedal while watching something far more interesting than VH1. In all, a great day.


I *heart* Phenergan

Seriously. My new best friend is totally Phenergan, followed closely by that angel at my neurologist's office, Pam. I woke up with a migraine, took a maxalt, which promptly got thrown back up, as did water, and anything even connected with the thought of food. This is bad, as throwing up=no medicine=migraine stays around.

I could have looked forward to a day of agony on my bathroom floor, till she called in some scripts to the pharmacy, which P totally saved my ass by picking up. 2 hours, and a nap later, I'm still woozy, but I don't want to throw up when I think about food. Bless her heart. :)


Scary, but true.

So, let me tell you how much I like the local Y.


Now, exercise and I are not friendly. We're just not. The only way I'm going to run is if someone's chasing me with an axe, and even then I might just opt for death. I'm horribly inept at sports, and my biggest fear is flying off a treadmill and being knocked unconscious. (Ok, that and spiders.)

However, I gained my ass back last semester, and desperate times call for desperate measures... so I reactivated my membership, got P to come along, and hey... it's not that bad. I've even mastered the treadmill! Scary. No spiders, either. Though there is a guy on our regular day, who bathes in brut. If he does laps, it's not bad, but when he parks it on the machine next to you, it's enough to make you want to die.

Now, why do I like the Y?
Well, it's a block away, for starters. It's nearly always empty- except for the guy in the brut. And even if it's not empty, the people who are there? They're people who look like they work out at the Y, not ridiculously sculpted spandex junkies. And by the time I get onto whatever I'm doing, it's just me and the Beastie Boys anyway...


An Open Letter

Dear Department Heads,

Changing editions and text lists every year is asinine. Either your book reps must be offering sexual favors, or you think we're all living off of mommy and daddy. However, the 400 bucks I just dropped on shit that I thought I already had covered, that you changed editions on, or NEW shit you added to the list is practically a rent payment for me.

This is on top of what I already spent on all the other shit you wanted us to buy, PLUS those ugly-ass uniforms with the pants that will strip paint off of steel. Can't wait to start buying all those fucking tri-fold posterboards too, because that's a skill that'll help me save lives. (Ohmigod! Bed 4's coding! Quick! Someone make a posterboard!)

Go to hell,

Broke'n'Bitter Sauce


Dear Moderately Slow yet Highly Irritating Coworker,

You're sweaty. Check. Got it. Got it 15 "I'm so sweaty!"-s ago. Lose a little ass. You won't be so sweaty. Or maybe do something more often, say... your job. You'll get used to all the movement.

Oh, and a BP of 64 over anything is a critical BP- if you don't tell your nurse, she'll rightfully behead you.

Bitching about your weight, and how you must lose some, then ordering a cheesecake wrap and a chicken-steak sub in practically the same breath seems somehow counterproductive.



PS- shift RN, do me a favor, put her on the low side, so she's as far away from me as possible!


Note to Self

When looking at food the wrong way will give you heartburn (Thanks again, Topamax!), taking your famously tasty spicerack chili to work without a bottle of Tums is a really, really stupid thing.

Spicerack Chili contains the following:

Beef Stew Cubes (cut into small pieces)
Lean ground beef
an onion
4 whonkin' big jalapenos
one really big can of small red beans
one regular sized can of dark kidney beans (all beans drained/rinsed)
3 small bottles v-8
1 small can tomato paste
1 can tomatoes with jalapenos

healthy doses (to taste) of the following
chili lime seasoning
chili powder (in abundance)
cumin (in abundance)
taco seasoning (low salt, for the love of God)
red wine vinegar
cocoa powder
Mrs Dash Salt Free Southwestern Seasoning
Black Pepper
adobo con pimiento

Brown the stew cubes (seasoned with adobo) in a dutch oven, then remove from pan, add the ground beef, onion, and 1/2 the jalapenos, break up and brown, as it's browning, add a good bit of chili powder and cumin, and a bit of oregano (good time for the taco seasoning too, if you like). When the beef is brown, add back in the stew cubes, your tomato products and juices, and the beans. Stir, add the other seasonings (reserve the cocoa powder for the end) and adjust for consistency. Youw ant this vaguely soup like right now, because you will cook the hell out of it.

Aim for a simmer/low boil, stir often enough to keep it from crusting fast to the bottom, and keep it going for about 1 and a half to two hours (long enough to tenderize the stew cubes). Add in the remaining jalapenos about the 1 hour mark. When it's just about finished, make a final adjustment of seasonings, add teh cocoa powder (makes a deeper flavor- maybe 1 teaspoon or so, and a dash of sugar if it is too acidic. Reheats well, can be served over rice, or plain. Top with sour cream, cheese, or not. Just be sure to have some tums handy!


My love/hate relationship with Topamax

Topamax, you are the Ike Turner of migraine medications. Oh sure, you take away the majority of my godawful headaches and help me sleep like I'm in a coma (until my bladder wakes me up) but we have got to have a serious talk about the way you fuck with my palate.

The last time I was on Topamax I lost 20 pounds, thought all carbonated drinks tasted like crap, and craved salt and vinegar potato chips like they were going out of style. This was manageable. Especially because salt and vinegar potato chips are effin' awesome.

This time? I can't brush my damn teeth. No really. I am about to hold toothpaste auditions here, because so far, I've tried a bunch of different brands/flavors and they're pretty much all variants of "smoked turd." and it's affecting my oral health. At first I thought it was my toothbrush, so I soaked it in some listerine, to no avail. (Listerine tastes fine- use it in my water pik all the time. So it's really not mint that's jackin' me up.) I even bought TWO new toothbrushes.

Then I thought maybe it was a bad batch of my beloved colgate total. So i opened a new tube. Still smoky, still shitty. Damnit. Tried my mom's Colgate Sensitive. Tastes like poo. Tried something green with breath strips in it at P's. Craptastic. Bought a not-too-cheap bottle of crest with scope in it. Ass-licious. Bought a bottle of cinnamon-fresh colgate or something, and that tasted like C-diff. It's starting to drive me crazy. I'm suffering through the crappy toothpaste, but I'd really like to find something that doesn't taste gross so I can enjoy my oral hygiene again... so now I'm off to Save-Mart to buy small tubes of a variety of pastes for my brushing pleasure.

In the meantime, anyone want some barely used toothpaste? It'll probably taste perfect to you!!
PS- best thing about Topamax this time around? I don't crave sugar at all. I've had an unopened pint of coffee flavored ice cream in my freezer for over a month now... But if you touch my cheese I will break your fingers.

Edited to add: Tom's of Maine Apricot Whitening Toothpaste, I think I want to marry you, or at the very least have some sort of naughty weekend with you.