Special Sauce

A mish-mash of twisted thoughts from a fevered ego. Updated when the spirit moves me, contents vary and may have settled during shipping. Do not open towards eyes. Caution: Ingestion of Special Sauce may cause hair loss, halitosis, and a burning sensation while urinating.


Bring on Big Dog...

OK, so allow me to be political for a moment.  I'm enjoying the coverage of the Democratic National Convention, but why, in the name of Elvis do you have to put Big Dog on at 10:30?  Loved Al Gore (the duly-elected president of the United States), enjoyed the women senators (and believe me, Ms. Mikluski takes shit off noone), prayed to the deities that the changed lyrics to "Proud Mary" aren't going to be the Kerry/Edwards theme song, and I loved the Cow-Town tunes.  But a girl should not have to wait until 10:30 to catch a glimpse of that pinup for chubby brunettes everywhere, Bill "Big Dog" Clinton.  Seriously.


I have to go back to work tomorrow, and deal with the Big Bopper in all her bipolar glory.  I am not looking forward to this. Kellog is looking for an HR assistant, which I could do with my eyes closed, so I may have to try for there.  They'll certainly have decent benes, and I find it unlikely that I'd make less than I do now anywhere. 
I'll keep you posted.

On the bright side, A.C. Moore had sock yarn marked down to ridiculously low prices, so I snagged some Magic Stripes- they didn't have sufficient quantities of Pattons in colors I liked.  I got some nice rosewood needles too, marked down to $5.00 a pair- I snagged a 5 & 7, and will go back for more later, if I like them.  woo!

Also, Michaels charges faaaaaaaar too much for Linea kits, and pearl cotton.  Just saying. 

Still lookin' for the Big Dog...


Would you like a side dish of Crazy with that?

Ok, remember that whole "good news" thing I was blathering on and on and on about in the last post?  Just forget it.  Pretend I never said it, because obviously, that's exactly what the big bopper decided to do when she went absolutely fucking batshit crazy on G. Monkey and me. 

Not that I'm pissed or anything, no, the large quantities of Bass and Brooklyn Lager took care of the anger (and the vomiting took care of that bullimia I was hoping for).  I'm just irritated, annoyed, and slightly amazed- I've never before worked with someone who was so obviously in need of medication and counseling.  Sure, I've had bosses who were fucked in the head, but I'm talking about a woman who agreed with everything that was explained to her, and then went home, and in a paranoiac fit of lunacy, decided to recant everything she said.  Oh, we can still get those raises, but not till October, and not until we make the business enough money to afford them.  And G. Monkey can be the Executive Director, but isn't allowed to sign checks, or make any decisions.  I can be the "executive assistant" not the "assistant director" and my coming to the organization wasn't to help bail them out, it was all a ruse, a clever plot to weasel more money out of the big bopper.  Yep.  The woman's rats. 

Of course, I feel worst for G. Monkey, she put up with the big bopper for FOUR YEARS by herself.  Four years.  Just roll that off your tongue... fourrrrrrrrr yearrrrrrrrrrrrs, in close quarters, with a crazywoman.  I don't know how the hell she did it.  (Perhaps there are bodies in her basement that I don't know about.)  Luckily, she has skills (mad skillz!) and can pick up a job fairly quickly, in Philadelphia, or take on enough freelance copy jobs to keep herself afloat, and we're working on our business plan tomorrow, so we can start something ourselves.  In the meantime, I will polish up my resume, and get cracking.  So, if you need someone cheerful, efficient, organized, and intelligent to help keep your office running smoothly, need a slightly cracked artistic type who would love to help you plan/cater your next event, or a shlub who can type really fast, I am indeed your woman.  No reasonable offer will be refused.  Medical insurance is a must, living wage required. 


On the bright side, I'm working on new aprons, and am apparently receiving a sewing cabinet from my parents for my Birthday.  I'm designing the one I want- it's compact, looks like actual furniture, but will fold out to give me ample room for my mo-sheen, and cutting space.  And, if anyone knows where to get flour-sack towels, please for the love of all that's holy, let me know, I'm trying some new embroidery projects, and cannot find flour sack towels for love or money.  (in the midst of Amish country no less- nobody has the damn things) 

Cross your fingers!


Thanks for the crappy genes!

Never before have I been so thrilled to have a $*()#! migraine. 
Yesterday, after I left because of the aforementioned migraine, G. Monkey sensed it was time to 'splain the entire "we're about to implode and this is what we need to do" thing to the big bopper.  Much to everyone's surprise, the big bopper not only agreed, but was foursquare in favor of  every topic brought to her attention.  She didn't know she had blown a sum larger than my annual salary (which is a pittance) on a pet project that has nothing to do with our mission. 
The bad news is that I won't see any extra fundage untill Halloween.  All things considered, it could be worse.  Now I can pick up shifts at the codger corral, knowing that it's for the short term.  The bonus is I no longer have to be called the "secretary."  Not to slam the secretarial profession, as I have done that, but the work I'm currently doing is oh-so-much-more than managing appointments and answering the phone.  So now I get a title, business cards, and a shred of dignity.  Yay me.  (And Yay G. Monkey for makin' it happen.)
So all the work I did for the presentation is not for naught, we'll adapt it to potential board members, and keep the budget.  Now I get to plan a volunteer program!  Cross your fingers!
Still no new knitting news, think I will finish off the eons-old Magic Stripe socks, and perhaps cast on for new ones.  Fall will be here before we know it, and finishing off something that does require a bit of a brain will be a bit of a mental boost.  I'm hoping for yarn for the beeg birthday (cash will also be gladly accepted, and offerings of burly and/or smart and/or goofy men are always welcome.) 
For some fun, I recommend http://fuggingitup.blogspot.com/ the queens of Fugging It Up.  Snagged the link from Sars, highly enjoy the Fugstitutions and their fugcabulary.  Also, Paul kicks a lot of ass over at  http://www.livejournal.com/users/sclerotic_rings/ all while nurturing my inner science geek. 
And, for the friends I've finally sent the link to- you never call... you never write... you never send me marriage proposals anymore.  Heh. 


Rumors Of My Demise...

...are highly entertaining, yet wholly untrue. 
To say I've been a little busy lately is merely an understatement.  I have been developing, with G. Monkey a plan to hopefully save both our asses, and keep us from going completely insane at the 'ol job-a-roonie.
Lets just say that drafting a budget for a five-year-old company run by a woman who manages her money like a five year old, can be trying.  Add in the joy that is developing a real, functioning board of directors, so we can maintain our nonprofit status, and trying to establish actual job descriptions so the big boss won't be up in my grill every fifteen seconds, and you can see I've got a lot of nights and weekends put into this thing.  Proposal date is Friday the 23rd.  I'll know then if I am going to get more money, and can stay employed, or if I'll be tendering my notice. 
Other news: the house tiles don't have any asbestos, so I'm not going to die any earlier than planned- or at least not from asbestosis.  Work on Hell's Half Acre has ground to a standstill (unless you count the big boss going over to cut up carpet, when she could have been selling advertising in the journal) since we have two journals to put to bed by August 10 (HA!), a direct mailer to send out, point of sale merchandising to put together and distribute, a discount program to plan, posters to put together, authors to contact, and spaces to wrangle.  Oh, what an amusing few weeks this will be. 
Knitting: since everyone else has an opinion on the Summer Knitty, I'll weigh in.  (Pun, honestly not intended.)  I saw exactly one and a half patterns I liked in this Knitty.  (The nightgowns were both really cute- although the fabric & knit one, I would probably just copy, in fabric only.) I really enjoy knitting, it's a great stress reliever and it's a great way for me to make something that I just wouldn't be able to find in a store.  That said- I know I wouldn't be able to find a knitted bra, or thong in a store, and perhaps that's a damned good thing.  I'm a big girl- I'll be the first to admit it.  Frankly, I wouldn't want to see my boobs in a knitted bra.  They'd be slappin' my knees, and generally flappin' all over the place. And the knitted thongs? Um. No.  I really like my happy microfiber boyshorts, my ass was made to be covered.  Until they show you how to make a knitted girdle, and knitted steel I-beams, I think I will leave my lingere to Lane Bryant, and stick to knitting socks, if I want some custom intimate apparel.  And the hand knitted licorice edible undies... I'm just disappointed they didn't tell you where you can get Monistat by the case if you use the damn things.  Sugar and coochies do not mix. 
Ground Chuck update: The sweater, she must be frogged.  Disappointing, because I was up to 11 inches on the back, but it's just not wide enough.  I was in denial, thinking I could add a seed-stitch border, but it's just not meant to be.  I think it is too wide for a front panel, or I'd try to save it.  I've put it aside for now, to show G. Monkey how to cast on- she learned to knit as a little kid, and it came back to her.  I made a few froofy scarves that I may or may not give away/sell.  It is tremendously satisfying to be able to finish a project in an hour and a half, but the large needles tend to fark the wrists. 
Currently watching: Old episodes of Beverly Hills 90210, I Love the '90s, (sense a trend?) Poirot, the insides of my eyelids. 
Currently reading: Stiff (just finished rereading it this morning), The Singer Book of Sewing and an ancient secretarial manual from when my mom went to Sec Tech.
Currently snacking: The Countess Tolousse Latrec's Chocolate Cake.  Damn, that is some good cake.  G. Monkey gave me the recipe.  A pound of bittersweet chocolate, 4 eggs, a stick and a bit of butter, a tablespoon of sugar, and a tablespoon of flour combine to make one ungodly good cake.  Fruit Salad. 
Currently listening: The Beastie Boys- Pauls Boutique, Ben Folds Five- Rockin' the Suburbs, Sirius Music- First Wave ('80s new wave). 
Sure, it was a long one, but it's done now. 
More when I feel like it...