An Open Letter

Dear upstairs neighbors,

I don't know if you're part clydesdale, or were simply raised in a barn, however, civilized people do not stomp across the floor on a daily basis. Every morning you begin stomping at 0500, every evening you stroll as if you're auditioning for Riverdance. Your ambulatory antics are driving me up the walls, literally.

Throw out your wooden clogs, stop wearing platform boots, and quit it with the tapdancing shoes. Believe it or not, they make warm moccasins, toasty slippers, and fabulous socks, all of which are appropriate for indoor wear, and won't make your neighbors contemplate vengeful below-the-knee amputations.

Sincerely,
"Dude, cutting short my paltry 6 hours sleep is not the way to make friends."