Special Sauce

A mish-mash of twisted thoughts from a fevered ego. Updated when the spirit moves me, contents vary and may have settled during shipping. Do not open towards eyes. Caution: Ingestion of Special Sauce may cause hair loss, halitosis, and a burning sensation while urinating.


Death, Dying, and Shit they don't teach in school.

So. We had the froofy and sensitive lecture on death and dying a few weeks ago. And how you'll know when someone's fixin' to die from one to two months out, from one to two weeks out, and when death is imminent. And one of the petite little fleurs in the front row asks the prof in this little squeaky voice "Have... YOU ever seen someone die...??" and was aghast when the seasoned prof said "Why yes, Virginia, I HAVE seen someone die." *sigh*

Hell, I was just surprised that they'd been able to figure out that someone was FTD that long out. When we see 'em die it's more of the "Oh shit, they're crumpin'!" or "Fuck! He's coding!" or "Hey! The dude in bed 1's got a HR of 20!!! is that SUPPOSED to be that way?" Death is generally not peaceful or gentle or quiet on my floor. It's generally accompanied by far more people crammed into the room than there should be, a ripping off of clothing and an abandoning of decency for the time being, (the patient's, not ours) and a bit of yelling. We do our best to stop people from dying. Sometimes we succeed for a few hours, or a few days, or sometimes it sticks for a few years- those are the good ones. This is what they don't teach you. And they don't tell you about how much you ache for the "good ones" when they go.

The ER's a bit different. P's down there a lot- people code there all the time. There is no prissy hours to days scale there... things are more immediate. The worst one he had was
a woman who somehow got herself off the gurney as she started to code. AND she was miscarrying. They ran in, scooped her up and got her back up to start compressions, he got in to get his blood, and apparently stepped right into... well... it. Or where it used to live. Not something they warn you about either.

He's seen a lot of codes, but that's the worst he's had in a while. Not sure if she made it, but I hope so. Scary, and horrifyingly funny (which will send me to hell). Something else they don't teach is how cynical you'll get. I noticed that a particular gentleman was in the ER as an anonymous PT, noted his age, and name and said to myself "Anonymous pt due to act of violence." and sure enough, definitely there by act of violence. Then there was the write up in the paper today that said he died, and that the police were playing the act of violence pretty close to their chest, yet they'd know more about the COD once the autopsy was done. I dunno.... could it be that the act of violence killed him? Inserting metallic stuff where soft tissue should be , in large enough quantities is likely gonna be detrimental to your well-being... Just saying...


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