Special Sauce

A mish-mash of twisted thoughts from a fevered ego. Updated when the spirit moves me, contents vary and may have settled during shipping. Do not open towards eyes. Caution: Ingestion of Special Sauce may cause hair loss, halitosis, and a burning sensation while urinating.


That's Debatable.

Note: I actually listened to most of the debate tonight. I fell asleep somewhere towards the end, but c'mon, I think even the moderator did for a while. This is merely my opinion, and often times, it's more than a bit insensitive for effect. I don't want to hear any "that's mean" or "but you made fun of my candidate" crap. I don't care. You're going to vote for whomever you want to vote for, and I'm going to vote for whomever I want to vote for, and silly shit I post on a blog will not change that (and if it does, maybe you shouldn't be voting, or let out of the house on any sort of unsupervised basis, either...) Thus endeth the disclaimer.

Impression number one from the VP Debate? Sarah Palin is an idiot. I know it's not polite to call people names, but hey- I actually sat through the VP debates, that makes me an idiot too. Granted, I don't have cable, and it just happened to come on my NPR station (I wanted to listen to "Music Through the Night" and read my copy of "Homicide: A Year on the Killing Streets" like a good girl, but no...).

Reason 1: The word is pronounced Noo-klee-ar. I don't give a shit where you were raised, or if it was by wolves. You are running for the second-most powerful position in the United States of America. Learn to pronounce the fucking name of the Bomb. Remember Dan Quayle? Yeah, he couldn't pronounce it either.

Reason 2: We get it. You think drilling for oil in Alaska is cool, groovy, and all the other words that your 5 children have taught you are hip. The question was about education. Lack of ability to stay on topic shows that you have a limited number of sound bytes memorized, and must trot them out for all occasions. Hell, it worked for Bush, twice!

Reason 3: I'm still waiting to hear this "plan" for Iraq and Afghanistan, one that actually involves planning, and actual action statements, not just vague sound bytes and "support our troops!" rhetoric. At least you didn't try to mention drilling in Alaska...

Reason 4: Every time I hear the word "maverick" I throw up a little inside. You aren't a maverick. You're an inconsequential governor, picked because of her ovaries and what they've produced, you're a cute face to offset McCain's cranky old man demeanor, and that's about it. Oh! You want to drill for oil in Alaska, and McCain doesn't! That makes you both Mavericks*! You're a regular political Odd Couple aren't you. Next he'll be the neat one, and you'll be leaving pacifiers and pantyhose all over the Straight Talk Express.

*actually, that just means you want to take credit for the jobs and revenue that would be associated with the drilling. The negatives? Well, that's for some OTHER governor to deal with, right?

Reason 5: Ok, this is petty- the voice. Dear god. The voice. It makes me want to cry. I know she's aiming for "folksy" but it's really just smarmy. Smarmy and fakey, and kind of like the 2nd grade teacher at the end of the day, when she's "thiiiis" close to beating the entire class with her Easy Spirit shoe, because Jimmy's dad sent in pixie sticks, peanuts, and poprocks for the class birthday treat, and they're all gonzo on sugar, while she's on the phone with Jimmy's dad, explaining why "While that was a thoughtful treat, maybe next time he should send some fruit instead." THAT is the voice she's rocking.

(Did I mention the fact that she can't pronounce nuclear?)

Don't get me wrong. Biden had his points too-
1: Quit with the "let me repeat that" we're not stupid. We heard you the first time. Once maybe, for emphasis, but every damn point you make? No. You sound pompous and ass-y.
2: Maybe it was just the NPR feed, but dude; we could hear you sigh every time Palin said something retarded, which was every time she spoke. Ease up on the heavy breaths, man. We feel your pain, and think she's an idiot too- but I can just see you there with a big ol' eyeroll and snort... while freakin' hillarious, probably not good for the campaign.

Props to him for sounding coherent, staying on topic, and coming forth with actual plans, platforms, and more than just soundbytes. I also give him serious credit for not throwing a dart at her head every time she said something retarded*.

Next time Biden? Bring your darts.

*Something retarded, not something ABOUT someone retarded. Big difference. Surprisingly, they kept the family card reasonably packed up. Because I have to say, when it comes to fucked up family lives? Biden wins. Palin, pack up your 42 kids and go home. Dead wife, dead kid, single dad? No contest.


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