Special Sauce

A mish-mash of twisted thoughts from a fevered ego. Updated when the spirit moves me, contents vary and may have settled during shipping. Do not open towards eyes. Caution: Ingestion of Special Sauce may cause hair loss, halitosis, and a burning sensation while urinating.

12.23.2005

Annual Family Newsletter

Dearest Friends of the Special Sauce Family,

It hardly seems like a year has gone by since I wrote our last holiday newsletter, but it's true. What with the court-ordered therapy sessions, community service, and constantly trying to devise ways to get around the perimiter set by the monitoring device around Pa's ankle, my calendar has been simply booked solid.

As many of you know, I left my job with the local nonprofit for crippled kids. How was I to know you didn't actually get to cripple anyone? Luckily, I've been employed by the local Giganto-Mega-Hospital, and it's simply wonderful. I've been off my meds for months, and I'm feeling very focused. Focused! And Clear! And like I can do seventeen things at once. And often I do.

Unfortunately Ma had a bit of a run-in with the neighbors. Turns out they were running a little bit of a meth lab in their basement. Ma turned them in, and now eight members of the Pagan Motorcycle Club (and 12 of their amish buddies) are out for Ma. I can't say where she is exactly right now (coughcoughArizonacoughcough)but if the surgery is a success, she'll be back around in no time.

And of course Odie found himself a little woman. Literally. We're thrilled, and he couldn't be happier. He is simply waiting for his fourth divorce to be final, and his parole to be up so they can go to Nevada and get married. Look out for them, Stephee! They'll be on your doorstep before you know it!

And then there's dad... Well. Dad developed a bit of an Oxycontin addiction after falling off a roof back in April (damned snow!) and when he couldn't get the pills legally anymore, he took to beating up little old ladies, hurting them just badly enough to be prescribed painkillers, then making them give him their pills. A pretty smart plot, if you ask me... Well, one of the ol' biddies ratted him out, and that's how he ended up with the monitoring bracelet. We've rigged it so he can still go out and work- we just strapped it onto one of the cats, and it looks like he's roaming the house. All is well.

Well, that's another year come and gone at the Saucehold. Hope you and yours are as happy as we are.

Have a blessed Christmas
Special Sauce

2 Comments:

Blogger parcequilfaut said...

Merrymerry to you and yours, ET!

2:23 PM  
Blogger Steph said...

sauce, it's an honor to know you!xoxoxoxoxo

11:58 PM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home