Special Sauce

A mish-mash of twisted thoughts from a fevered ego. Updated when the spirit moves me, contents vary and may have settled during shipping. Do not open towards eyes. Caution: Ingestion of Special Sauce may cause hair loss, halitosis, and a burning sensation while urinating.


What has 2 thumbs,

hates winter, and is typing this blog right now?

This guy.

Dont get me wrong. Curling up on the couch with someone who smells good, in front of a fire, with some hot cocoa (from scratch, thank you very much) and peppermint schnapps is pretty damned delightful. Getting up at O-Dark-Thirty to get to work because you want to avoid the rustlers, cut throats, murderers, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglers, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shit-kickers and Methodists (Thank you Hedley Lamar!) who are too stupid to drive on snow without crawling up your ass or speeding around you.

Because despite my bitching, my sappy crappy little Saturn does a half decent job on snowy roads, so long as I don't have to stop suddenly, and start back up again on a hill.

The snow itself isn't the ridiculous part. It's the morons who, when half a flake descends from the sky, have to immediately go into "Ohmigod! We're all going to die!" mode. Milk! Bread! Rock Salt! Must hunker down! Can't leave the house! Must Call In Sick!

Who's not helping things? Local "Storm Team Coverage". Seriously. It's snow, not nuclear holocaust. It happens EVERY FUCKING YEAR. Enough already. Anon. I beseech you. The next time Hoxie or Sue start in with the gloom and doom, bitch slap them. 'K? It'll make my year. Kick J in the teeth. Do SOMETHING. Because they're just making things worse...

If only the snow would keep the idiots INSIDE and away from shopping areas. Bah.


Blogger dctrkim007 said...

Hi, I live in Philadelphia and have for four years now, I'm a transplant from CT. And I'm with you on the storm tracker people. It snows every year! This should not be surprising! Also, the city should have enough plows, and they should realize that in addition to plowing, they also need sand and salt! Gaaahh!!

11:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm not going to do you any favors, because you thanked Hedley Lamar in your diatribe, thereby taking away my opportunity to say, "Nice Hedley", to you.

The rest continued in a Myspace message....

1:07 AM  
Blogger AJ Gentile said...

Mmmm... it's posts like this that make me love living in LA.

Oh, I'm stealing "O-Dark-Thirty". Thanks.

1:55 AM  
Blogger Special Sauce said...

Hiya Dctrkim! Welcome to SE PA! We don't do "decent roads" or "adequate plowing" here, you have to go to the western part of the state for that. (Where you trade off living in civilization for living around people who "get" snow.)

Anon- Hee. I'm officially never panicking until you announce " We're getting 4 feet of snow. Guys, it's time to turn to cannibalism" and take a bite out of the nearest person's face."

AJ- Heh, I stole it from someone else- it's all yours. And rabblescrabble nice weather allyear long in LA. Fie. At least my street's finally almost clear today. Heh.

7:25 AM  

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