Special Sauce

A mish-mash of twisted thoughts from a fevered ego. Updated when the spirit moves me, contents vary and may have settled during shipping. Do not open towards eyes. Caution: Ingestion of Special Sauce may cause hair loss, halitosis, and a burning sensation while urinating.

8.30.2005

The Porn Star Story

Ok, as most of you guys know, G. Monkey went with Mr. G. Monkey to Los Angeles a few weeks ago. (That's why I was babysitting the perpetually-bed-humping Diesel.) By all accounts, Mr. & Mrs. had a great time toolin' around, checkin' up on some new bands, and generally having a blast.

One of the first nights they're in LA, they decided to check out a local bar, and relax a bit. As they savored their $19.00 pitcher of Bass (I know, I know, that's not bad for LA, I'm sure, but we're used to cheaper beer here in the sticks.) they can't help but overhear this conversation taking place behind them.

What caught G. Monkey's attention? The phrase "Yeah! Can you believe I got kicked off the set today because I couldn't deep throat right?"

Now, no matter where you are, that's going to make your ears perk up. Girls are thinking "Gah, can anybody?" and guys are thinking "Hmm, you can practice on me!" as soon as the phrase is uttered.

So G. Monkey starts to eavesdrop, which apparently wasn't very difficult. And this conversation goes on for around an hour and a half, with each woman offering commentary and ideas...

"...it was so embarassing..."

"gee, have you tried tai-chi? It really relaxes you..."

"...I mean I could do this (picture someone fellating a beer bottle) but just not on camera..."

"well, that producer's a jerk anyway..."

"he said I wasn't convincing enough!"

And on, and on, and on, in the manner of two best friends. And after the hour and a half was over, the pornstar gets up, hugs, then kisses her companion on both cheeks, and uttered a phrase that will live in infamy among our friends...

"Gawd! It was, like, so GREAT to meet you! We should Totally Get together again! Thanks for all your advice!"

That's right, boys and girls. This woman spent an hour and a half discussing her deep throat issues with a total stranger.

Only in LA, eh?

17 Comments:

Blogger AJ Gentile said...

You can practice on me.

Oh wait.

You already said...

plah.

8:55 PM  
Blogger Special Sauce said...

Anytime, AJ. Anytime...

9:02 PM  
Blogger Lindsey said...

How crazy! I was weirded out when on of our patients (an 86 year old man) started telling me about his sex life back in the day. He got way to graphic... I'm still having nightmares.

9:07 PM  
Blogger Special Sauce said...

Ewwww!

That would really, really creep me out.

I've had grabby residents (one also used to try to get me to go down to his room and "visit") but never graphic ones. Thank goodness for the little things, right?

9:18 PM  
Blogger AJ Gentile said...

Damnit, Linny... you totally killed my erection.

(sigh)

10:13 PM  
Blogger AJ Gentile said...

Oh wait.

It's back.


w00t!

10:16 PM  
Blogger GoddessAradia said...

Ok, the total stranger part is bizarre. But can you really blame her? Only in Vegas, baby. Only in Vegas.

10:27 AM  
Blogger GoddessAradia said...

Oh yes, one question. aj? Is that really your pic? (Can't trust anybody these days...) Cause if it is...damn. That's all I have to say.

10:29 AM  
Blogger AJ Gentile said...

Goddess... it is.



But you still can't trust me. ;-)

12:00 PM  
Blogger GoddessAradia said...

Oh damn. Mmmmmmmm bad bad thoughts.....

Oh damn this word verification! (Not you, SS. I had to get it too.)

12:14 PM  
Blogger Steph said...

first of all, there's NOTHING like a good porn star story. nothing like....*sigh*.

and second, AJ......when are we making out? i can give you references if neces.

1:21 PM  
Blogger GoddessAradia said...

So is aj a porn star?

Bad Sarah Bad! Must think of hubbie.......oh shit he doesn't care.
;oP

4:50 PM  
Blogger Special Sauce said...

Goldarnit, you guys have all the fun while I'm at work!

Bastards! The lot of you! Bastards!

And watch it, ladies, I knew AJ first. I call dibs. (Whether he likes it or not is immaterial.)

5:36 PM  
Blogger AJ Gentile said...

Do *not* treat me like a piece of meat!






No wait.

Do.

6:24 PM  
Blogger Special Sauce said...

Porterhouse... Chuck... Ribeye...

Gawd, I love PCU.


Wait, does this mean I get to whack you with a spiky mallet, poke you full of holes, and stuff you with garlic slivers?

Because I? Am so in.

8:01 PM  
Blogger AJ Gentile said...

The spiky mallet thing sounds kinda hot.


Not sure about the holes.

But I'm willing to try anything once.

2:31 AM  
Blogger Steph said...

*something* tells me AJ is all about being the meat...........

12:53 PM  

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