Special Sauce

A mish-mash of twisted thoughts from a fevered ego. Updated when the spirit moves me, contents vary and may have settled during shipping. Do not open towards eyes. Caution: Ingestion of Special Sauce may cause hair loss, halitosis, and a burning sensation while urinating.


Will wonders never cease?


I was perusing one of my little-used email accounts this afternoon, and lo and behold, I have an email from Cokehead Rob.

Apparently, the statement "I never want to hear from you again, ever. Don't call me. Don't email me. Don't randomly show up at my house. Don't text me. Don't stop by where I work 'because you were thinking about me'. Don't bug my friends. Don't frequent my bar. Don't ever contact me, for any reason." actually means "Go ahead and give it a year, and then try to reach me, because by then I probably will have stopped wanting to kick something when I see your name."

Believe it or not, I don't want to kick something, just someone.

I know it's juvenile. I know I should drop it. But this is typical him.

He used to pull that shit all the time when I was still in KW. He'd show up at work at different times, after we had "broken up" because he "missed me" or "was thinking of me". Well, you shouldn't have started fucking that girl from The Limited then, and you could have done that shit more often when you were fuckin' me, bra.

I guess I'm just residually pissed because I was way, way too nice to this guy (surprised him with breakfast, often, when he was getting off 3rd shift at the hotel, cooked for him all the time, watched motherfuckin' STAR TREK with him) and shit was just NOT reciprocated. (And those pictures. Those god-awful fucking pictures that I didn't even want to be in, that looked like freakin' engagement pictures. -long story- BLEAAAAAGH. My parents actually burned his half of the photo off, afterwards) And when he dumped my ass (oh, because "he needed time without me in his life, so he could figure out if I should be in his life") to fuck some girl from the Limited (who undoubtedly dotted the i in her name with a heart. gag.) he thought he could just waltz back into things whenever he wanted.

Sorry. Nope. Doesn't work that way.

Only one guy I've ever been dumped by has ongoing friendship priveliges, and you, Cokehead Rob, ain't him.


Well, at least this gives me something funny to talk about tonight at "Millie's" (dive bar name changed to protect the semi-innocent.) with G. Monkey.


Blogger Steph said...

what a smurfin' prick!!! i offically hate his skanky ass!! perhaps we should intro him to Server Will. i'm sure they would be best friends being that they're both dipshits. guess i'll be shining up MY ass kickin' boots as well.

4:44 AM  
Blogger Special Sauce said...

Stephee. You rock.

Yes! I think it's brilliant to introduce the two of them to each other. They'd get along SWIMMINGLY. (Does Server Will own a Speedo?)

Thanks for polishin' your ass-kickin' boots. :)

7:42 AM  
Blogger Memphis Word Nerd said...

Wooooeeeeeee...way to keep that spine! Cokehead Rib SUUUUCKS!

9:26 PM  
Blogger Memphis Word Nerd said...

Rob. I meant Rob. Whatever.

9:26 PM  
Blogger parcequilfaut said...

I also have only one ex boy who is allowed to talk to me, and that only because neither of us is on coke any more.

Bleah! and oh, I'm back! Thanks for the box of goodness. Proper thank you note will follow.

11:48 PM  

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