Special Sauce

A mish-mash of twisted thoughts from a fevered ego. Updated when the spirit moves me, contents vary and may have settled during shipping. Do not open towards eyes. Caution: Ingestion of Special Sauce may cause hair loss, halitosis, and a burning sensation while urinating.


50 things

Because I'm feeling slightly egotistical, and because it's some sort of rite of passage or something (or was that trite of passage?)sort of like your first wedgie... I (probably not so) humbly present, the official 50 things about me list. Why 50 instead of 100? I'm a lazy bastard.

In no particular order, save the way they arrived in my brain.

1. I abhor beets.

2. The strangest job I ever did was "Substitute Pecker Painter"

3. I actually pretty much suck at painting.

4. Given the choice, I'd actually rather work with clay, or cast something than draw.

5. I'm usually known as "the quiet one" (no, really!)

6. I taught myself to read when I was 3, because my mom was really, really sick of reading "Goldilocks and the Three Bears".

7. I'm still embarassed about running around my kindergarten pre-tests saying "I'm smart!" to everyone I met.

8. My brother and I look remarkably like our maternal grandparents. (So much so it's really kind of creepy.)

9. I actually had a fan club at the codger corral, largely due to the fact that I can change a hearing aid battery faster than you can say "duracel".

10. I dated 3 people that my parents never knew about. (and still don't.)

11. I considered going to cooking school twice, and backed out both times because I was afraid I'd grow to hate something I love to do.

12. I am a morning person out of habit, not preference.

13. If I ever have a daughter, I'm naming her Aurolyn.

14. I love to knit socks, but have never finished a matching pair.

15. I love hats, but look ridiculous in them.

16. Along those lines, I'm an accessory whore, but tend to wear the same ones all the time.

17. I'm a mediocre seamstress, and have little patience for most patterns.

18. I love sewing purses, and long to have my own space to set up my machine so I can sew whenever I want, with my own patterns.

19. My mother and I were both born on the 5th of months that start with the letter A.

20. I hate calling people, and would do nearly anything to not have to.

21. I never went on a date in High School.

22. I was raised Methodist, and Church of the Brethren, but stopped going to church about 10 years ago.

23. A boy called me "stupid" in the first grade. He subsequently wet his pants during story time. I'd like to think I had a little something to do with that.

24. My first grade teacher also called me stupid, because I couldn't cut out a damned pilgrim collar. Unfortunately, she did not wet herself during storytime.

25. Proof that having the right teacher helps: I had a great teacher for pre-algebra and geometry, and had nearly perfect scores. I had a different teacher for algebra, and nearly failed.

26. I've done the following jobs: Salad Bar Attendant, Jewelry Lead, Shoe Saleswoman, Book Goddess, Bank Teller (twice), Temp, Phone Slave, Airbrush Stand Lackey, Editorial Assistant, Admissions Director, Activities Director, Hostess, Curbside Queen, Pharmacy Tech, Substitute Pecker Painter, Lit Guild Flunky, "assistant director".

27. Of the above, I liked being a book goddess and editorial assistant the best.

28. I love Football. Don't understand the minutae, but love the game.

29. Bananas are disgusting, and will always ruin a perfectly good fruit salad.

30. The classic fruit salad recipe (in my world) crispy apples (2) cut into large chunks, 1 can mandarin oranges (with the juice and all), seedless grapes, 2 fresh nectarines or peaches, fresh or frozen cherries, lemon juice, optional: strawberries, kiwi, pears, mango, pineapple, mint leaves, ginger. Whack up fruit, throw on lemon juice. serve.

31. My top 5 favorite authors are PJ O'Rourke, Joe Queenan, Hunter S. Thompson, Harlan Ellison, and Laurie Notaro.

32. One of the crappiest things about living in Key West was that the local bookstore didn't carry the New Yorker.

33. The other crappy thing was that cokehead Rob worked at said local bookstore.

34. I am so pasty pale that I practically glow in the dark.

35. I tend to freak out in crowds.

36. I enjoy having a routine, and when it's disrupted, I get a little agitated.

37. I've only had to threaten to call the cops on a customer once.

38. I've never been fired from a job before.

39. I don't read a lot of fiction.

40. I still get an easter basket and christmas stocking, although sometimes Mr. E. Bunny and Santa bring liquor instead of candy.

41. I want to go back to the Mutter Museum again this summer.

42. I get sea/carsick fairly easily.

43. I'm eagerly awaiting flea-market-season again, so I can find some old women's magazines and cookbooks.

44. I don't mind the sound of fingernails on the blackboard, but the sound of crinkling plastic grocery bags will send me to the top of a watertower with a shotgun.

45. I've never lived in a house without at least one cat.

46. Favorite body part? My eyes.

47. By now I think I probably sound like freakin' Larry King.

48. I've blocked out most of Junior High.

49. I collect Jackson China. My mom, dad, grandmother, grandfather, aunt & two uncles all worked for the company at various points. Ditto Brockway Glass (with fewer relatives).

50. I *hate* white underwear and socks, and make it a point to never, ever buy them. It squicks me out to see them on other people too.

Taa Daa.

The other 50 may come, eventually.


Blogger Steph said...

shit, i've known you for years and never knew about the white underwear thing. hmmmmm. interesting. i think i'll steal your idea and do one for myself. perhaps to keep it orginal, i'll do 53 things. haaaaaaaaaaaa

1:22 PM  
Blogger Special Sauce said...

Yep, that stuff is *shudder* just really creepy. All I can think of when I see it is pedophiles and oooooooold people. The socks don't bug me as much on others, but oh god... the underwear. Bleagh.

Do it Stephee! I can only imagine what you'll come up with, and I can hardly wait.

Keep your fingers crossed, because I'm about to do a pilates tape with my mother. (Thank you Borders Remainders! A pilates mat, book and DVD for under 20 bucks, and I may go back for the ball & band kit too...)
This should be funny.

3:05 PM  

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