Thank you Saint Sudafed!

For you are truly wise, and wonderful.

Your shiny red goodness, so misleadingly tiny, is something to behold.

It was you. YOU who permitted me to sleep for 4 consecutive hours last night. Four.

Four glorious hours of sleep.

Now if you can just open my nasal passages while I'm here, upright, at my desk.

Hear my plea, Saint Sudafed.

"I've got calls to make.
Grant me the ability to pronounce consonants,
and not sound like a knuckle-dragging mouth-breather.
Allow me the opportunity to breathe through my nose,
and allow my chapped lips to heal.
And if you can do something about the fish-scales around my nostrils,
well, that'd be a bonus, St. Sudafed."