Special Sauce

A mish-mash of twisted thoughts from a fevered ego. Updated when the spirit moves me, contents vary and may have settled during shipping. Do not open towards eyes. Caution: Ingestion of Special Sauce may cause hair loss, halitosis, and a burning sensation while urinating.


Randomly Cranky

Dear Hersheypark,

When one is waiting in line for an absurdly long time for ride that takes less than a minute to complete, one doesn't need outside entertainment. One has ones linemates to gawk at, mock, and speculate upon in order to pass the time. One certainly does not need acapella singers. In fact. I would go so far as to say that acapella singers are at the bottom of the list, right there with a "scorching case of herpes", "uncontrollable bleeding from the bowels", and "a screaming toddler kicking you in the kneecaps" as the least welcome things one wishes to have while waiting in a line forever in 900 billion degree heat.

Also: There are perfectly acceptable jobs out there that don't require you to get up and sing acapella versions of "All Star" in front of people who actively hate your guts. I hear these guys may be hiring.

Dear Stupid School Health Coordinator:
A. Why do you care if my crotch is healthy for me to perform my clinical duties as a student? Eyes I get. Overall "two arms, two legs" I get. Teeth are a stretch, but I get. Crotch? Not so much.
B. Why do you require a "10 panel tox screen" for those of us who you screwed out of getting our drug test done at school when the major provider of outpatient testing (i.e. the giganto-mega-hospital which our school is affiliated with) DOES NOT PROVIDE THE TEST YOU WANT?
C. How do you get a job as a school health coordinator when you can't read a calendar and can't dial a phone? I think those would be pretty important job skills. Lord knows I need to have those basic job skills, and I don't have any fancy-ass letters after my name.

PS- I hate you lots.

Shout out to the makers of Emergen-C. I'm not sure if it's the extra hydration, or the B vitamins, but I've noticed that I really don't want to spend the hours between 0830-2330 napping, and 2330-0830 sleeping... This is kind of nice, for a change.


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