Special Sauce

A mish-mash of twisted thoughts from a fevered ego. Updated when the spirit moves me, contents vary and may have settled during shipping. Do not open towards eyes. Caution: Ingestion of Special Sauce may cause hair loss, halitosis, and a burning sensation while urinating.


So here's the deal-

Ladies I work with. I need your attention. Not the ones who work in my office, because y'all are perfect, wonderful, and would never commit such an atrocity.

Anyway, Ladies. We need to talk about the bathroom. The loo. The water closet. The "office", the shitter, if you would. Because obviously, y'all have forgotten the rules, and I'm here to clarify.

The bathroom is there for you to relieve yourself when, say, you've had too much coffee, or the water was especially tasty that day. You zip in, pee, zip up, and zip out. Seatcovers are provided for the especially squeamish, and it is reasonably clean. So why is it that you continue to pee on the seat, or worse yet, the floor? Are you standing up? Is our bathroom being used by men who get confused because there's no sign on the men's room next door? No excuse people. Your pee goes IN the round white thing, not on it.

And while we're at it. The first two stalls? They're for peeing only. ONLY. You heard me. The first stall, and the one with the creepy missing part to the lock are for peeing only. the third/handicapped stall, that's where you can do your nasty shit. Universal rule, folks. If I nip in to pee, my eyeballs shouldn't immediately fly out my head and roll onto the ground because you decided to flout convention and poop in the first stall. Those stalls have no circulation. Your gift lingers, so Stop it already.

And pick up your damn paper towels. The Env. Svc. folks have enough to do without picking up after your lazy, sloppy, poopin' in the first stall, self.

Thank you.

Special Sauce

Chicken recipe tonight, assuming I don't go do something with P. and not end up coming home till 11.


Blogger NWJR said...

I spent two summers working at a state park campground, and during the first year, one of my duties was cleaning the bathrooms.

The women's rooms were always the filthiest. Urine everywhere. Discarded feminine products all over the place. Disgusting.

Although, I will say this...I never found any feces in the urinal of the women's room (probably because, you know, there IS no urinal in the women's room).

But still...all things being equal, the women's rooms were ALWAYS worse.

Oh, and at my last job, a female friend one told me there was a sign in the Ladies Room reminding the women that used it that "The bathroom stall walls are not an appropriate place to deposit your boogers".


Need I say more?

11:49 AM  
Blogger Special Sauce said...

Damnit. I didn't realize that Sars had already covered the "poo stall" this week. This is what I get for not reading her site till Saturday.

NWJR- Oh, oh bleah. I've cleaned old people bathrooms before, but never a public one- and belieeeeeeve me, the ladies rooms are ALWAYS worse than the men's. My favorite bar? I use the men's room, because the ladies room is nigh-on vomit inducing.

But I want the sign for the wall. Not because it's necessary, but because it's funny.

Of course, on my brother's bathroom door? A sign from the hardware store that says... "No Dumping".

8:00 AM  

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