First Annual Special Saucetest

Actually, I'm hoping I won't have to do this again in the near future, but one never knows.

This is a picture of "He who currently makes my weekend evenings a whole lot more interesting, and the mere thought of whom makes a strange grin appear upon my face, causing me to look more than mildly retarded." He needs a new name. (He'd also be the one kneeling down. Not his mom, who is standing next to him.)




Anyway. That's him. He needs a new nickname. Y'all need to help me out. I'd like suggestions, because I'm pretty much scraping the bottom of the nickname barrel. Here are the rules:

1. I refuse to go sappy or cute. No "Dear" anything, "The Boy" or "Himself" are in use by people I already know. No "Schnookums", "oogy-boogy", or anything remotely resembling baby-talk.
2. Nothing Obscene (Which, regrettably means that "boo-boo-kitty-fuck" is out) as this nickname will likely be used to refer to him in places beside this blog, but not necessarly directly TO him.
3. It should be creative and/or make me laugh, be short enough to be manageable, and do the job. (i.e. "The Hugless Wonder", which is no longer applicable.)


With that said. Here's the skinny on the guy.

He's 4 years older than I am, digs the great outdoors (but appreciates flush toilets), is (as Magicdude said) smart enough for me to bother with, and has goals/ambitions, he has a clean car, smells good, cleans up after himself, cooks, has a decent relationship with his mother, has a very warped sense of humor (but not in the serial killer kind of way), can light his finger on fire, and has done so in front of me... (bet you never thought to do THAT with mouthwash...), thinks I'm cute, is a great kisser, isn't an x-box monkey, likes cats (prefers dogs), makes me laugh (and not in the pointing and jeering way), isn't a cokehead, doesn't talk trash about his exes, doesn't seem to exhibit any stalkerish tendencies, has a job, all his teeth, a car, and a reasonably optimistic demeanor. He's easy to talk to, but when there's nothing to say, it's not awkward. And yes, there's the whole stupid grin thing every time I think of him. Heh.

There's more, but that's what comes to mind first... so, anyway...
Get to naming, and I'll get back to being bitchy.


Dear Coffee-Flavored-Coffee Woman,

What part of "Our Supplier Is Having Difficulties Getting Coffee From Their Supplier" did you not get? That means we? Don't have any more fucking coffee. But guess what. There's a whole lot of coffee in the cafeteria. Here's an idea, instead of bitching to the two secretaries, why don't you hike your ass on down to the caf. and get a cup? Oh. Because that coffee's not free. Well, suck it up and try some southern pecan, or shut the fuck up. OK?

Believe me, I understand the necessity of a good cup of coffee. But you know what? I ordered coffee last week. The supplier? Is out. Their supplier? Also out. I should be getting plain coffee on Wednesday. If it doesn't come, I'm sorry. I'm not a monkey or a lemur, or whatever that animal is that shits out coffee beans. I mean, I could try, but I can guarantee you're not going to like what I put out. Ok? So, lets recap, shall we?

1. I ordered the fucking coffee.
2. There is no fucking coffee to deliver.
3. Coffee MIGHT be here Wednesday, but I'll only put it out if you stop bitching.

Sincerely,
Belgian Chocolate Nut is really quite tasty