A small rant

In open letter format, and perhaps Haiku.

Dear operators,

Just because someone's query contains the word "nurse" does not necessarily mean I can answer it. Just because my office name happens to contain the word "nursing" does not mean I am intimately involved with any of the following:
1. Reference checks. These go to HR.
2. Shadowing programs for high school students. These go to HR.
3. Random douchebags asking for "The director of nursing". We have three of them. You're a telemarketer. Go the fuck away.
4. Agency nurses/student nurses/sitters. That's why we have an education department, and a head of supplemental staff services.

I know your job is stressful, and you've got a million ringing lines, but when I have to transfer someone who's been transferred to me, YOU look like an idiot.

Sincerely,
Special Sauce



Dear Friends, Family, Bill Collectors, Drug Connections, Roommates, Pimps, and any other persons associated- even tangentially- to Staff or agency nurses, PCAs, unit clerks, supplemental staff, or anyone else who works on the floor,

I am not your personal messenger service. I do not have the time, nor the patience to track down the person you are looking for, and ask them to call you. 99% of the time, the person you want isn't even here yet/at all.

These people are at work, and they? Are busy. I'm looking at you University of Phoenix lady. Unless you're dead, dying, or otherwise in a condition where you really should be in this hospital, I suggest you leave a message on their cell or home phones, write them a letter, or simply fucking wait. Ok? Because I can pretty much guarantee that whatever the person is doing up on their floor? It's a lot more important than whatever you want to talk about. Comprende?

Sincerely,
Special Sauce

And now the Haiku portion of the evening...

Telemarketer
"Just updating our records"
Yeah right! Bite me! *click*

Telemarketer
My copier model, eh?
I don't think so. *click*

Sleazy Headhunters
Begone! You are useless here!
My phone-fu trumps all.