Special Sauce

A mish-mash of twisted thoughts from a fevered ego. Updated when the spirit moves me, contents vary and may have settled during shipping. Do not open towards eyes. Caution: Ingestion of Special Sauce may cause hair loss, halitosis, and a burning sensation while urinating.

9.01.2005

Haw!

Ok, as many of you know, I'm from Amish Country. Someone just sent me this listing of "You know you're from Amish country when..."

And the sad thing is? Yeah. It's true.

You know you're from Amish Country When:

* Your idea of Chicken Pot Pie has nothing to do w/ a pie & you dont
understand why people might think it would.
Yep, and there are fierce debates over whether non-homemade-noodles count or not.

* Your driving lessons included learning to avoid horse droppings.

* You know how to cook but not w/ butter.
This is lard country, y'all. But I've never done that, honest.

* You know what a fire hall wedding is. Shit, I've been IN firehall weddings.

* You've been to a Chicken & Waffle dinner. And in Florida? They looked at me like I had 7 heads when i said I would kill for some chicken & waffles.

* You spend at least 30 minutes every summer day complaining about New
Jersey drivers.
Yeah, and 75 bitching about New York drivers. Douchebags.

* You don't understand why people would ever want to see the Amish.

* The local post office used to be a single-family home & they close
between noon & 1 for lunch.

* You have ever ended a sentence with "a while".
All the fucking time, man.

* You do not giggle when you see the following signs:

-- Lititz
-- Intercourse
-- Blue Ball
-- Bird-In-Hand
-- Mount Joy


Heh. Mom worked for the Blue Ball National Bank. Go ahead and snicker. I still do.

* You've heard of 7-11 but have never seen one.

* You cannot buy beer & wine from the same store.

* Park City has nothing to do w/ skiing for you.
(It's the mall, y'all!)

* You pronounce Lancaster in "Burt Lancaster" differently from
Lancaster in "Lancaster PA".

* And you giggle at people who say "Aee-mish".

* Your iced tea is sweeter than pepsi.
And more addictive than crack, when you buy Turkey Hill.

* You know someone who repairs gasoline-powered lawn mowers, but is
forbidden to own one.

* You think Fasnacht Day & Groundhog Day are national holidays.
You mean they're not? And more importantly- if you have the debate over whether Punxsuatawney Phil is the real deal or that stuffed, nailed to a fucking log, piece of crap prognosticator Octorara Orphie is the true groundhog... guess where I side?

* You know who James Buchanan was. And you drive by his house regularly.

* You dont have to be told what Shoo Fly Pie is. And know the difference between (and can make) wet bottom and dry.

* You outen the lights at the end of the day.

* You go to the store when the milk is "all".

* You think orange traffic cones are the natural foliage around route
30.

* The word "red" is a verb.

* "Come with?" is a complete sentence
. Well, it is...

* You know what donkey baseball is.

* At times you utter things like, "Throw over the fence some hay".

* It may be raining, but the question is: "Is it making it down?" or
"Is it really making it down?".

* The verb "to be" is useless : "Does Fido need out?".

* You remember when Park City Mall had a flea market in the basement.
Or worse yet, a skating rink.

* You know that "long johns" are something you eat, not something you
wear.
And there's only one real place to buy 'em too.

* You own quilts & know their names.

* You know what a Turkey Hill is & you've ditched school to hang out
there.

* You've corrected all the errors while watching "Witness".
Yep. And you giggle at them too.

* Rush hour is on a Saturday afternoon -- in the summer. Which is where you spend the majority of your "Fucking NY/NJ Drivers" rage...

* Your Wan has a Vindshield Vipers (and so does ur Station Vagon).

* You recognize "Twin Kiss" & "Freez & Frizz", knowing Dairy Queen is a
pale imitation.

* Dutch Wonderland is neither Dutch nor much of a Wonderland.

* WGAL is the source of all local celebrities & they create quite a
stir when they shop in the supermarket.
(or read your blog. You still around?)

* You go out of state just to drive on smooth roads.

* You've ordered "dippy eggs" for breakfast.
Well, doesn't everyone?

* The Green Dragon aint no Chinese restaurant. And Stephee? You've BEEN there! All I'm going to say is "Liver Pudding" Is not a flavor Jell-O will come up with any time soon, but the guys at Green Dragon? Alllllll up in that.

* Bacon drippings are an ingredient for making salad dressing.

* You think tourists attractions consist of a pretzel factory, a
chocolate factory & an amish family out for a drive.


* You know the only way to make good Fasnachts is to cook them in lard. And more importantly, you know WHAT a Fasnacht is, and where the best place to buy them is.

* You live within 2 miles of a plant that makes potato chips, corn
chips, pretzels, candy or ice cream, or that packages turkeys, beans or
bologna.
Ayuh.

* You do things "once," as in "I'll go check in the backroom once".

* You can stop along the road to buy fruit, vegetables or crafts on the
"honor system".
And do. Often.

* You know that chicken corn soup from a firehouse is the most perfect
food on earth.
And indeed, it is. Preferably when it's rivel free, but rivels aren't the end of the world...

* You say things like "outen the lights", "I'm calling off work today"
and "They're calling for snow".

* You've heard of distelfinks & hex signs.


* You consider Pittsburgh to be "out west" and you know the fastest way
to Philly is the Turnpike.


* When it snows, they put cinders on the road instead of sand.

* Words like: gumband, buggie, hoagie, chipped beef, scrapple, actually
mean something to you.


Hee. It's really, really sad, but really, really true. Of course, I also have a healthy dose of Western PA Goober in my background too- Makes for an interesting mix. (Kettles? No, dad says that's a Kyittle. You wrench out your warshcloth, you drink pop, and all pop is coke. "What kinda coke ya got?" "root beer, sprite, coke", you keep your photos in an alblum, you listen to the polka show on Sunday mornings, and the noon news on the radio tells you who's in the hospital, and winter lasts from late September through July.)

PS- WELCOME BACK MWN!

12 Comments:

Blogger Special Sauce said...

Oh, and when you've made something especially tasty you say "gee, I think that (whatever) came good, don't you?"

And crooked lines are woogedy, and little kids skitter across a hardwood floor, as do the kitties. Heh.

9:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm always around a while.

10:15 PM  
Blogger Special Sauce said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

6:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No names, please, but he's too hyper to worry about calories.

I blog in another popular "space" for blogging and pictures. You should check out "my" blog.

11:57 AM  
Blogger AJ Gentile said...

I didn't know what half of these things were! Although I'm intrigued by this Chicken/Waffle amalgam.

12:33 PM  
Blogger Steph said...

OMG. that list made my eye tick! and the Green Dragon.......HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. yes,yes.....

and today's word verification is dagrap.
nice.

12:51 PM  
Blogger Special Sauce said...

Fear not, anon, the offending comment was deleted, lest he google himself too- Heh. Still. Brother needs to gain a few's all I'm sayin'. Heh.

Oh reeeeeeally... I'll have to peruse it. I also have something up over there, more for the pack in the 'caster...

AJ- Chicken & Waffles is delicious! Picture, if you will, your standard waffle (none of this pretentious Belgian bullshit. Plain ol' waffle. Preferably fresh, not an eggo.) but instead of topping it with syrup, pour on chicken gravy that has been adulterated with big heapin' chunks of chicken. Heaven on a plate.

And right now? It's coming up on fair season, where you can get a waffle ice cream sandwich. (In which you slice a piece off a half gallon brick of ice cream and slap it between two fresh-from-the-iron square waffles.) (Along with the fried oreos, caramel apples the size of your head, and more unhealthy-for-you food than you can shake a stick at. I can hardly wait!)

5:43 PM  
Blogger parcequilfaut said...

The Amish Countrians are apparently much like Tennessee Southerners (although we have Mennonites, not Amish, and I don't know why anyone wants to see them either, although they're all right)...

Sweet tea? Check. Sittin' down and readin' awhile? Check. I think donkey baseball is similar to cow football. Honor system veggies? Yes. We know a hexenmeister who comes to PUF.

Hey, ET! Still out on the Contract Job That Would Not Die, making money. Back for real soon...

10:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You'll have to browse for a familiar picture in town, because, *ahem* I'd be a moron to use my real name. I use DJ name instead...

4:12 PM  
Blogger Special Sauce said...

Weren't you killed by your own troops at the end of the movie, anon?

Muy interesante. I dig the black background-

A proper post sometime tonight, I believe. Presumably about the sore throat that ruined the weekend.

6:22 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think the gentleman I named myself after was merely misunderstood. The man should not have had a pledge pin on his uniform.

12:26 PM  
Blogger Special Sauce said...

I declare your Delta Tau Kai name to be... Flounder.

Perhaps, if tomorrow is a sick day, I will watch that again. John Belushi's cafeteria scene is one of my fondest childhood memories.

Then again, I'm the girl who went as Jake Blues for Halloween in 6th Grade...

5:29 PM  

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