Special Sauce

A mish-mash of twisted thoughts from a fevered ego. Updated when the spirit moves me, contents vary and may have settled during shipping. Do not open towards eyes. Caution: Ingestion of Special Sauce may cause hair loss, halitosis, and a burning sensation while urinating.


A confession.

Hi. My name's Special Sauce and I... I... this is so hard to say. I've built my whole reputation around a contrary nature but... I... like my job.

There. I've said it.

Sure, I'm still in the honeymoon period. And apparently one of my potential future bosses (PFB for short) is apparently a total bitch on wheels, but she's not my direct problem- she has her own secretary.

But damnit, I like what I'm doing. Mostly, being perky, answering the phone, recreating documents, typing minutes, and setting up for meetings. Yesterday, I was the paycheck princess. I handed out everyone's paychecks. I'm also the duchess of reports, because the girl who is training me hates to run them. I have them done by 9:30 every morning, and the Nurse Managers think I'm the second coming of Elvis. It's really kinda nice.

And everyone I've seen? Smiling. Ok, maybe not every single person, but the Department of Health guys? Smiling. Housekeeping dudes? Smiling. The guy who made the chicken sandwich I picked up for my trainer? Smiling like a fuckin' loon. Even the ones who don't smile at least make eye contact and acknowledge you as a human being. Screw Disney, the gigantic megahospital (of doom) is the happiest place on earth.

Whatever will I bitch about now?

There's another hurricane rant a building inside me, but I will use my powers for good instead.

Right now I'd like to personally bludgeon GWB to death with an emergency toiletries kit. I have a feeling that I'll still want to do this in a few weeks, so in the meantime, I urge you to do whatever you can to help Katrina's victims. Want to put together a toiletries kit? (You can always recreate it to beat people with later)- hit your local dollar store, drug store, or mass retailer, or break into your hotel/motel stash and snag:
Shaving cream, shampoo, deodorant, brushes, combs, washcloths, hand towels, toothbrushes, toothpaste, hand lotion... you may want to slip a note inside too, telling people you're thinking of them. Slap that all in a 1 gallon ziplock bag, and you can deliver it to a church (call first, but I can't imagine that people wouldn't be sending them) or your local red cross (again, call to see if they're sending them). Kids kits would also be useful- basic toiletries plus crayons, activity books, or maybe a small stuffed animal, and for babies- wipes, baby oil/lotion, a small toy, or what have you, would be greatly appreciated.

Broke? Give blood. In fact, donating blood is something you can do year round, doesn't cost you a dime, and honestly doesn't hurt that badly (says the woman who is petrified of needles, yet doesn't mind donating blood.)

Buying groceries? Most every grocery store in my town, and I'm willing to bet in yours too, is taking donations- they'll make it quick and painless by adding a dollar, five, or whatever you want, onto your total. They may also take donations of nonperishable goods for food banks.

Don't forget the animals. Noah's Wish is there.

Turn your disgust at the government's lack of celerity, and support the organizations that ARE making a difference. And next time around? Vote The Motherfuckers OUT.


Blogger Miss Fabulous said...

Thank you for remembering the animals. I'm going to put that link on my site, too.

10:39 AM  
Blogger Special Sauce said...

Thanks Miss F! I can't take full credit- Jo, from over at the Head Nurse blog is the one who got me started with that.

I just heard there will be a telethon on the 9th, which is good news- I was wondering when they'd get that sort of thing going.

12:15 PM  
Blogger parcequilfaut said...


The boss gave us Sunday off for Labor Day weekend, so I actually have a day of...free time. And next week when I go to the doctor I'm doing triple a phaeresis -- red cells, platelets and plasma...those of y'all eligible to donate ought to think about going the extra mile and hooking the ARC up on some platelets and plasma, as they are also in short supply and there are less donors for that than whole blood.

ET, email me at yahoo with how to get a verification code for my comments, if you will? Since you're the second coming of Elvis, and all... ;)

7:30 PM  

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