Special Sauce

A mish-mash of twisted thoughts from a fevered ego. Updated when the spirit moves me, contents vary and may have settled during shipping. Do not open towards eyes. Caution: Ingestion of Special Sauce may cause hair loss, halitosis, and a burning sensation while urinating.

3.24.2005

Insert James Brown-ian Scream Here

For no good reason, other than it seems like a good idea. And I'm not editing this, so it may not make sense. It's more of a brain-dump than anything else.

So, if you'd like to learn about what I've been working on lately, check out L'Arche in Washington DC and Chicago. And I've been mulling something that I'll probably have to be talked out of. Though I may do a good enough job at getting this out of my system on my own.

BVS.

I thought about this before, but always had a car payment, or other bills to pay. I'd need to give it about a year before I could join. (Or pay to get out of my phone contract early, and some other things) Of course, I may just be insane, but from where I am sitting at the moment, it's not a terrible idea.

I've been thinking about what exactly I believe in, and what I want to get out of my life, lately. And I keep coming back to one of the main principles that I *liked* about growing up in the Church of the Brethren, and that was service to others. (Their stance on other issues is ultimately what made me stop going- I lost some respect for church elders when I was told by someone I respected very much, that I should treat my friends of different faiths differently than I would my Brethren friends, and their stances on homosexuality and choice were, at least in my community, pretty dark-ages.)

I'm having one of those "for the love of Elvis, you're almost thirty. THIRTY. You've accomplished nothing. You didn't go to college, you haven't changed anyone's life, and for the love of fuck you can't even get a partner to stick around for more than six months. You work at stupid, pointless jobs that don't actually DO anything except line someone else's pocket, or occupy your day for 8 hours. You're not happy, and what do you plan on doing about it except bitch and moan." periods. And maybe, just maybe this is the "easy" (if by "easy" I mean, not even remotely easy at all in practice) way to feel a bit better, because I'll be helping someone ELSE.

And at the same time it's making me a bit uncomfortable- It's a change, (and this is way, WAY oversimplifying) to see an org with a religious affiliation that isn't about beating people over the head with turning them to THEIR way of thought, rather, acting in the way that I always thought you were supposed to act, when it came to Christianity. Being decent, helping those who are less fortunate, not taking advantage of others, and not trying to do things for your own gain, but rather the good of the community. And it seems to be working.

That's what I never really got from GOING to Church. Blame the messenger or the receptacle, I don't know- but I never saw it being practiced. Which is probably oversimpifying again. But to me, the church I went to was more about "what can you do for US" as opposed to "how can you grow, spiritually" and more "look at how great we are" instead of "We've accomplished so much, now how can we continue doing good?". Maybe it was just the one I went to- the members there...

I think I need to do some more thinking. The whole thing is either a really, really good idea, or one of the worst I've ever had. Only time, and a big old chunk of scrawling is going to tell.

1 Comments:

Blogger Steph said...

sistah sauce,

girl, i be feelin' yo pain. i hate this whole wtf-am-i-doing shit. blows big donkey dick. and as much as i like the dick, i'm not so fond of the donkey version. i've heard it gets better with time...........i'll be sure to let you know when it happens. xoxoxo

10:25 PM  

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