Special Sauce

A mish-mash of twisted thoughts from a fevered ego. Updated when the spirit moves me, contents vary and may have settled during shipping. Do not open towards eyes. Caution: Ingestion of Special Sauce may cause hair loss, halitosis, and a burning sensation while urinating.


It's Fair Season Again!

In the spirit of love and caring, I want all none of you to read this to pay attention to this next missive. It may keep your limbs intact, and your wallets unfleeced.

It's fall. Glorious, illustrious fall. The leaves are changing, the mercury is slowly dropping, and the crazy guy at the end of the block is going to be gainfully employed for a week and a half. That's right, boys and girls, it's Fair Season! Here in my section of Pennsyltucky, every town has its own fair. You can't swing a dead cat without hittin' a funnel cake booth, and I am delighted. Fair season brings the first real feeling of fall, and provides an excuse to eat everything short of gym socks, battered and deep fried (usually on a stick, too), made by men who have enough spatter residue on their upper body to lube a 58 Buick.

Fair Season also brings the Midway, and this is where my real warning comes in. Eat as much fried food as you want, (personally, I will stock up on fries, funnel cake, snickers fritters, fried pickles, and if I can find it- fried lasagna or I'll settle for Fried ShooFly pie. And maybe a lemonade, and a cream puff too) Your cholesterol is between you and your doctor. No, I'm here to save you from dangerous midway rides. I offer to you, a list of rides and attractions that you should, under no circumstances, board or even get within 15 feet of.

"Uncle Jeddroes Trailer Park Twister Ride"
The "Kissin' Cousin's Tunnel of Luv"
The "Spine Snapper"
The "Extra Chromosome Splice-O-Matic"
The "I'll give you something to cry about" Strength Challenge
The "Rusty Fishhook"
The "Duct Tape and Baling Twine Express"
The "Guess the baby daddy" booth
The toss a ping-pong ball "Win a Pit Bull" booth
The "Ruby Ridge Shootout" booth
The "Bobbing for venison" booth
The "Catch a Greased Geezer" event
The "Parole Officer Shuffle"
The "broken bottle pit"
The "Deliverance Tunnel Of Love"
The "haunted vd clinic"

I hope that I have been able to save you, and perhaps a loved one fom tragedy and heartache.

I also highly recommend the chocolate dipped cheesecake on a stick.

...That is all.


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