Stuff that's painfully obvious (part 1)

Argh! Maybe it's the no-job, maybe it's hormones, maybe it's a lack of sleep, or maybe it's something else, but here are a few things I'd need to get off my chest/don't want to hear/see anymore.


1. "Gee, Evil's not lookin' too perky." Really? I just saw her and she was doing my Ethel Merman routine, right down to the tap dancing and fire batons. She. Is. Dying. I know it. I'm painfully aware of the fact that she has at least seven little warty bumps that are getting bigger. her easter egg is getting bigger. The only thing that is not getting bigger? Her belly. Why? Because she's not eating, except what I give her mixed with her drugs. And she cowers every time I come near, because I inevitably am going to squirt something in her mouth. When she does venture forth to snag a bit of kibble, she throws it up. I'm trying. And I know she's not doing well, so stuff it, or you're getting a syringe full of turkey baby food, prednisone, and pepcid in your eye. (And Cosell like play-by-play the next time YOU feel sick. "She's rolling over to hoark now, and yes... it looks like the last thing she had was vegetable soup...")


2. What did YOU do today? Just once, I want to answer "Slaughtered a hobo. You?" Look. Around. You. Are the massive piles of shoes, newspapers, dishes, BEER BOTTLES (aaaaagh!) and assorted other crap in the same places they were when you left this morning? No? Give you a hint, the shit fairy didn't come take it all away. What did I do today? Cleaned up after you. Baked. Did laundry. Exciting, no? Oh yeah, and looked for another damned job, so simmer down.

3. For the love of all that is holy, the sink is right next to the dishwasher! Every time you put a dish in the sink, and not in the dishwasher, the baby jeebus cries hot little tears of blood. Or maybe that's me. I forget. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

3.a. Instant coffee! If you are going to make that horrible shit, push the canister back against the wall where it came from. You move it out 5 inches to make your freeze-dried-sludge, and simply don't have the energy to put it back? Gah! And Eggs! If you make scrambled eggs, Soak the pan! Oatmeal too! And the toaster! PUT IT BACK!

4.The Bathroom light can be turned off too. Really, it can. It's not some sort of commie/pinko conspiracy. Honest to Yuengling, the switch goes up, AND down. And would it kill you to clean out the sink every once in a while there, Odie? It's not like you're Captain Facial hair, but I'm gettin' real tired of walking into a brightly lit bathroom hours after you've been in it, only to find stubble in the sink, towels bunched up on every available space, and your pants on the floor.

I know. Move.
Workin' on it.
This shit keeps up, I may be moving to prison.