Special Sauce

A mish-mash of twisted thoughts from a fevered ego. Updated when the spirit moves me, contents vary and may have settled during shipping. Do not open towards eyes. Caution: Ingestion of Special Sauce may cause hair loss, halitosis, and a burning sensation while urinating.

1.14.2005

A message from the driver behind you,

Dear man in the white minivan with wood paneling,

Boy, those school zones sure are crazy, aren't they? Especially when you drive through a high-school zone, and 80% of the kids drive. So much traffic! We all have to be careful and watch out for less-experienced drivers and school busses. Thank goodness they have that 15 mile per hour speed limit in front of the school!

I don't know if you realized that the reduced speed zone ended at the bottom of the hill. I drive this route daily, and I assure you it did. There are even giant signs that say "End School Zone". I realize they may have been difficult to see with the light rain we were experiencing. I assure you, however, that the speed limit is 50 miles per hour on the rest of that stretch of road, not 25 as you may have believed.

Because I am such a polite and courteous driver, I would never dream of honking at you, or anything so crass as hoping your penis falls off and gets eaten by rabid wolverines. I believe the 15 people behind me did, though. (So you may want to have that thing looked at, pronto.)

Thanks, and have a nice day (preferably on a road I don't have to traverse)

Sincerely,
The woman in the dark colored car behind you, mouthing "It's only a light rain! It rains here all the time! It's practically fucking Seattle this winter! Turn your wipers on and accelerate! Some of us want to get to work!" and honestly not hoping your penis falls off and gets eaten by rabid wolverines. (I wanted it to be gnawed off by guinea pigs with glandular problems.)

1 Comments:

Blogger luz de la luna said...

What are you going to do if you see a headline in the local paper saying "Man gets penis chewed off by wolverines!" :-D

Regards
La Luna

4:13 PM  

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