Special Sauce

A mish-mash of twisted thoughts from a fevered ego. Updated when the spirit moves me, contents vary and may have settled during shipping. Do not open towards eyes. Caution: Ingestion of Special Sauce may cause hair loss, halitosis, and a burning sensation while urinating.


Mommy, make the psychotic bitch stop!

Hoooo, ho ho ho. I haven't laughed so hard since... well, since the presidential debates, actually. However, today was a hoot!

Former Benevolent Dictator (also known as Psycho McBitchpants, a woman in dire need of better living through chemistry, intensive therapy, and getting as far the fuck away from me as possible) emails me today and asks if I will help their accountant put together a budget for the Little Nonprofit That Could (make me hemorrage from laughing so hard). She gave me the accountant's contact information, and I spoke with her- the accountant's actually a really sweet woman. Then, instead of writing the reply I wanted to write (which would have been "Hell NO! I put a budget together for you when I worked for you, and you as much as wiped your ass with it. No fucking way will I do it now for free, you cracktastic bitch!"), I calmly weaseled out.

The one nice thing about working for another nonprofit is that even if they're technically noncompeting (I'm in social services, she's in cultural arts), I can't work on financial stuff for another nonprofit, because it could be viewed as conflict of interest. At least, that's what I told Ms. McBitchpants. Plus, Bosslady doesn't want me to be involved with someone else's financials either, so... Heh.

She also invited me to their "open house" at Hell's Half Acre. I'll go, so I can talk to the accountant, and back up G. Monkey. I let her know these things, and advised her that she really needs to set up with her Finance committee to get a budget put together. She emailed me back, with the following-
(an excerpt)
"The window washer comes tomorrow from 8-9 in the morning and then I work with
the cleaners to mop and dust the floors to get ready for the move-in. We
are in pretty good shape. If you would like to bring an 'Open House' gift
people are bringing a bottle of wine and/or a chair pad for our wooden chairs
for seminars and events at the new house. Really the house is a completely
different place, can't wait for you to see the work you and G. Monkey so kindly

First off. I don't care. Secondly, It's an open house, not a housewarming. If you get a bottle of wine out of me, it will be Ripple. Thirdly, we didn't "kindly start" the work on the house, you went on vacation, and expected shit to be done when you got back. I gutted that fucking house for $8.00 an hour (which was a lot less, in reality, because you paid me for 32 hours, a week no matter what I did and how long I was there, and believe me, some nights we didn't leave that house till 10:30) and you hated everything we did.

She also called G. Monkey, and said "Don't be surprised if you get a call from me asking you to bring a vegetable tray for the open house". G. Monkey said "Well, um, don't be surprised if I don't bring one, then, because that's what your hospitality committee is for." Heh.

Fucking stupid woman. She's alreay well on her way to alienating the sane members of the board, and the Little Nonprofit that Could (die a slow horrible death) death pool is on. bets are being accepted. I doubt highly this thing makes it a year.



Blogger parcequilfaut said...

Ha ha, ET.

The LNPTC(DAHD) leader sounds like she'd get along smashingly with the HR person who last night told us "There's no need for you to log back onto your computers, just gather your personal belongings. You may leave your numbers for anyone you may wish to keep in contact with, but do not go into your team meetings. Please leave the building quickly and don't create any kind of disruption. Thank you for all your hard work!"

Bah on'em. Someday they'll die and we'll inherit the earth.

6:59 PM  
Blogger Special Sauce said...

Aieee! What an evil HR drone.

I don't know if you read Something Positive or not, but the cartoon from January 10 (http://www.somethingpositive.net/sp01102005.shtml) is particularly funny. (as it relates to evil HR drones)


Fuck'em all!

G. Monkey and I need to start working again on our own business idea. I need to get my sewing machine out and whip up some prototypes and get stuff moving. I'd rather be my own bitchy, psychotic boss. (And I could tell myself to fuck off!)

7:08 PM  
Blogger Ghost of Goldwater said...

See, that's the problem with you bleedin' heart liberals... you always weasel out! If you were a Republican, you could have simply carpet-bombed the bitch back to the stone age!

3:20 AM  

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