Special Sauce

A mish-mash of twisted thoughts from a fevered ego. Updated when the spirit moves me, contents vary and may have settled during shipping. Do not open towards eyes. Caution: Ingestion of Special Sauce may cause hair loss, halitosis, and a burning sensation while urinating.


Get Yer Bitch On.

Oh, it is so on.

Caution, ranting, strong language, and incoherence ahead.

This afternoon I felt like ass. So much so that I went home from work at 1:00. I had a meeting with the (And you know what, I don't even CARE any more, so I'm just naming names. Place will not be around much longer anyway.) Literary Guild accountant to go over Quickbooks and where I left off and so forth. I had already rescheduled once, so I couldn't reschedule again, and tonight's the open house at the new offices (Hell's Half Acre) and I figured I'd kill 2 birds with 1 stone.
Plus, when I scheduled this, I thought I'd hang with G. Monkey (who's on the board) and then we'd split and get some drinks. Not so much with the puking feeling, though.

Accountant gets there and we try to open Quickbooks. No go. File's corrupt. We have to find the disc so we can reload it. The office where the PCs are is about the size of a closet, with bookshelves and boxes in various states of "unpack" everywhere. It looks like a packrat exploded. AND it appears that while the PC I worked at DID move, my desk did not. I think the disc was in my desk, and I can't even get in to the old offices to get it. (NOT that I would want to anyway.) And a little thing called, "Shit gets moved in 3 months, K?" So that meeting was a bust.

In the meantime, volunteers, who know I worked for the Guild are streaming in. Stress they know I WORKED for the guild. Past Tense.

Guess what, Volunteers. I don't feel well, which means I'm a lot less tolerant than usual. Do not ask me where shit is, because guess what. This is the first time I've been in this building since I quit. I was in the old office once between the day I quit and today. And everything was in boxes then. So guess what. I know less than you do, and care a whole hell of a lot less too.

Don't ask me where to put things, where things are, how to find things, or who was in charge of something, because... I. DON'T. WORK. HERE. ANYMORE. Here's a novel idea, why don't you ask the fucking founder. Oh wait, Betsy couldn't be bothered to show up all day, even though this is HER event. Looks like it certainly is busines as usual. And, in case you were wondering, rephrasing your question, and asking me again is going to get you the same answer, and even less politely. I am sitting behind a desk only because I'm writing an email to Betsy, and I am saying goodbye to G. Monkey, and I am LEEEEEEAVING. Probably never to return unless requested to expressly by G. Monkey. So, scissors? Good luck with that. Sugar packets? Don't know, don't care. Prints from the exhibit we never insured, and Betsy had to return without even ever getting to display because she was too stupid to do anything? Haven't a clue. Stuff to make signs with? How 'bout openin' your eyes and looking. Markers? Your guess is as good as mine. Now. Go. Away.

Also. Note to Betsy. If you are trying to paint yourself as a struggling organization, you do not have your event catered. You do not serve wine, champagne, and expensive snacks. I doubt highly that these items were donated. In fact, I do know what was "donated", which you extorted from the board members- i.e. the 60 dollar shrimp tray you forced G. Monkey to bring, when 1. G. Monkey is the brokest person on the board, (why not ask your millionare friend to bring the shrimp, instead of a fruit plate, bitch) and 2. G. Monkey is deathly allergic to shrimp!

Also, do you honestly think that many people will show up? You've been in existence for FIVE years, and maybe have 350 members, most of whom never come to your events. Why are you ordering enough food to feed an army? I'll be highly impressed if you get 50 people through the course of events, and 20 of those will be Board members and spouses who are there only because they have to be.

And, it's a damned good thing you didn't touch the pressed-tin-look wallpaper I hung, and finished like antique copper. Removing or painting over that would have rendered you a beating, were you to ever show your face at the event. Also, when holding an open house, it's a good idea to 1. pitch in with setup and not leave your volunteers to do it all by themselves, and 2. actually show up a little early perhaps. Idiot.



Blogger parcequilfaut said...

I'll be your Wing Chun and add a "Hatey hate" to that, ET.

Poor baby. I'd offer to kneecap them if I weren't the pacifist twin. But you can imagine me doing the Brick House Porn Remix dance I described earlier if it will make you less...I can't say "hateful" but you get what I mean.

In your honor I am queueing up "Fuck the World" to follow "Jump Suck & Fuck" by Country Porn. So there's foul language everywhere.

Who dreamed we'd grow up and eat useless volunteers for breakfst? Not I, but I have felt the desire to do the same, believe me. Like CDHSarah, who was supposed to be here half an hour ago.

8:33 PM  
Blogger Memphis Word Nerd said...

I'll do the kneecapping! Yay for kneecapping!!!

5:04 PM  
Blogger Ghost of Goldwater said...

Are we talking senseless violence against clueless do-gooders? "Excessive use of force approved"? Where do I sign up?

7:23 AM  
Blogger Special Sauce said...

Woo! I accept any and all offers of violence towards these prats. So long as you keep them alive, because they amuse me. (and infuriate me, but that usually leads to amusing)

My outlook is much more rosy now that I had a night of card making, vietnamese food (yay mock duck spring rolls!) and a long, infrequently interrupted night of sleep under a mountain of blankets.

I am not,however going soft. Heh.

I'm sure there will be angry posting later today- good moods never last. :)

Thanks for gettin' my back, guys!

8:16 AM  

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