Special Sauce

A mish-mash of twisted thoughts from a fevered ego. Updated when the spirit moves me, contents vary and may have settled during shipping. Do not open towards eyes. Caution: Ingestion of Special Sauce may cause hair loss, halitosis, and a burning sensation while urinating.

8.02.2005

Katie Couric, Kiss My Ass.

Ok, so perhaps that title's a bit harsh. After all, Katie's the hardest working woman in morning-chat-show-business. Right?

There's an interesting article about the morning talk show wars (truly, an insult to wars everywhere) in this week's New Yorker. And surprisingly enough, I learned that the Katester could be tapped to lead the CBS evening news when her contract's up. This could quite possibly be the worst idea ever concieved of. New Coke? Positively genius in comparison. The Edsel? Sheer automotive creativity. Electing George W. Bush to a second term? Rational as the day is long. Perhaps I'm being a bit harsh, but I'd think not.

Why? Because regardless of her actual journalistic chops, nobody is going to take her seriously in a hard news position. If I wanted to watch some chirpy bubblehead in a freakin' spaghetti strapped tank top tell me all about bloodshed in the middle east, I'd turn on my local Fox station, OK? And frankly, when I do elect to watch the national news, I want to see actual news. I want to hear the events of the world in a factual manner. I don't particularly want those events to include what Bea Arthur thinks about the movie they're making about Maude. If there is going to be feel-good news, I'd rather it be about literacy programs we're running in Afghanistan, not some new dippy celebrity diet plan.

Morning chat shows have their place, their format. They're supposed to be fluffy, containing at most, 8 minutes per hour of actual news. That's fine. But they're slowly creeping into the evening news. Surely something of substance happened today. The teaser for the 10:00 news should not be that Jennifer Anniston finally has decided to speak out about Brad Pitt. This is not news! This is Access Hollywood. This is Extra. This is not "My local news" or even "The National News" Ok?

Even CNN has become vulnerable, in the mornings. They're still about 75% news, but with an increasing number of fluffy stories. And I blame Katie Couric. Because the Today Show has been on top of the ratings for so long, everyone else must tailor their shows to match hers. The result? A vapid cesspool of feel-good-ery, nonstop interviews with Tom Cruise, the Runaway Bride, and whomever has the "biggest" movie coming out this week. God forbid we get any bad news with our morning coffee.

There's a bigger rant in here, lurking, but I'm afraid it'll make me look like one of those crazy conspiracy theorists, so I'll pass for now. I'll leave with this, though- The day that Katie Couric is unleashed upon the evening news on a regular basis will be the day that the squirrels on water skis win.

5 Comments:

Blogger parcequilfaut said...

She annoys the shit out of me, but so do most "personalities". That's why I read the news and don't watch it. (In fact, that's why I've cut TV out almost entirely.)

No Couric. No. Next thing, Kathie Lee will be cohosting, and the squirrels on water skis will be running the UN.

Ah well, off to try and write a cover letter.

1:42 AM  
Blogger Memphis Word Nerd said...

You know, as bad as Katie Couric is, there's something even worse...

Remember the ever-so-angsty teen soap, Dawson's Creek? In the pilot episode, Joey asks Dawson about his masturbatory practices. He responds that he likes to "walk his dog" in the mornings with Katie Couric.

The mental image of James van der Beek wanking away to the Today show? THAT is worse than just Katie Couric alone.

*bows her head for a moment of silence for having finally and permanently won the "gross out game".*

Oh, and Sauce? Your Google hits are about to spike again. Tsk, tsk, tsk..."masturbatory practices" and "wanking" in the same post. Scandalous!

4:28 PM  
Blogger Special Sauce said...

Not to mention, the Dawson's loonies visiting (You, MWN, are not a loonie). Of course, I won't be able to tell that they're here, because I've clawed out my own eyes, trying to rid my brain of the image of The beek's huuuuuuuge noggin, contortin' in his "oh face" to La Couric.

Aaaaagh!


And A course for Birthday Hijinx has been determined. Friday night, after dinner and cake, delicious cake, G. Monkey and I will Shanghai Stoltz-a-ma-foos, and head to the country bar, and maybe our old favorite for some imbibing and other good stuff.
Yeee HAW!

8:00 PM  
Blogger Memphis Word Nerd said...

Actually, I'm pretty sure that I qualify as a loony. That's my professional opinion at any rate. :-) Hell, I'm 30 years old and I can tell you what happened in the pilot episode of Dawson's Creek. I think that counts as proof that I'm nuts. Heh.

A girl from my high school used to be Katie Couric's personal assistant. I cannot imagine a more depressing job. I think Parce is right to cut out TV.

11:37 PM  
Blogger parcequilfaut said...

MWN, I had blocked that Beek tidbit out of my brain. Thanks for bringing it back. I'll send you the therapy bills. :)

I think I was right to give up TV. I'm not super-pain-in-the-ass about it or anything, I still watch it at other peoples' houses when Law & Order or Aqua Teen is on. But it didn't do me any good and I ended up ranting alone in my apartment...never considered healthy.

2:15 PM  

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