Special Sauce

A mish-mash of twisted thoughts from a fevered ego. Updated when the spirit moves me, contents vary and may have settled during shipping. Do not open towards eyes. Caution: Ingestion of Special Sauce may cause hair loss, halitosis, and a burning sensation while urinating.


Short Takes

If you're feeling "tired", and you're in your car in the driveway, do us a favor eh? Go INSIDE to lie down. Lying down on your front yard, when the temps are in the high 40s is going to result in a pretty severe case of hypothermia. I don't think you've got a mile long driveway, so just make that little bit of effort, mhmkay?

While we're at it. Taking a handful of tylenol because you fought with your girlfriend is lame. Asking if said girlfriend can sleep in your hospital room with you, because you "don't want to be alone" is even lamer.

Also, I don't care if you're 85 and a decorated WWII vet. I'm proud of you, and glad that you felt the call to serve your country. It doesn't give you the excuse to act like an asshole. PS- you're still getting a bath.

If you top 350 pounds, are noncompliant with your meds/doctor visits, and present to the ER with chest pain caused by playing a popular hooker-killin' video game, you fail. And yes, we are going to laugh when we read your H&P. Besides, what is a grown-ass man doing playing video games in the middle of the morning?

Observation: There is a direct relationship between being a total jerkwad who rings their call bell every 15 seconds for something frivolous, and being in isolation for something nasty. (Side note: I am not washing/waxing/buffing your vajeener 80 times a night because "it buuuurrrrns" or "that nurse put the wrong cream on and it burrrrnnnnsssss.")

Observation 2: There is a direct relationship between how much someone hates their skilled nursing facility and how frequently they make up BS reasons to be admitted to the hospital from such. (Ma'am. You're feeling short of breath because you're HOLDING YOUR FREAKING BREATH. I can't help it that your doctor falls for this crap several times a week, but he's a moron.)


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