Special Sauce

A mish-mash of twisted thoughts from a fevered ego. Updated when the spirit moves me, contents vary and may have settled during shipping. Do not open towards eyes. Caution: Ingestion of Special Sauce may cause hair loss, halitosis, and a burning sensation while urinating.


Adventures in Civil Service Examinations

So I says to Mabel, I says... wait. Wrong thing.

So I had the Clerk Typist 1 & 2 exam this morning.

It consists of:

5 minutes of typing
questions on filing (do you know your abc's?)
questions about what you'd do in an office (when someone asks you something you don't know do you A) tell them to fuck off, B) hang up on them, C)ask if you can phone them back, and find the correct answer. Heh.)
Basic Math. (Is it really, really wrong that I can't do long division with 2 digit numbers? Because, I can't. I cannot do it. GAH.)

And a few other things. I now know that I can type 84 words a minute (an increase of 25WPM over my last clocked speed.) Not bad.

I think I did really well on the test, and I called the office (welfare, but hey, I don't care) and they actually DO have openings, and will schedule interviews toward the middle/end of June. So, in the interim, I'll try to find something else to tide me over, because I? Want these benes. (And it'd be sorta like working for a nonprofit, where you get to help (or not) people, but have structure and paychecks!)

The one thing I did learn is how they cull the stupid applicants. See, the tests are given in Harrisburg and Philadelphia. Since I live closer to Hbg, I went there. They provided excellent directions, and I get there without incident. Getting HOME is another matter entirely. This is how they cull the stupid people. If they can't make it back home, they're not worth hiring.

When I go to leave? I can't find my way back onto the correct interstate. (I don't do well driving in strange cities.) So I randomly take turns, and take the nearest interstate that is heading southeastish. Oh, bad, bad mistake. So I drive for a few miles, and see signs for the turnpike. The turnpike's good. So I head back TOWARDS the Capital, and groove along for a while. I think I'm smart, and will take the Harrisburg EAST exit, which would make sense, right? I live east of Harrisburg. This will get me home. Right?


It dumps me out too far along on the interstate, and I'm back toward Harrisburg again. Thinking fast, I head toward Hershey, thinking I'll pick up one of the minor arteries there, and head home. Sounds simple, right?


Long story short it took me TWO HOURS to get home, because I am a moron. I rewarded myself by snagging a late lunch with G. Monkey, and getting the latest dirt. (And smelling the gigunda Peonies where she works. I love Peonies.)

Evil News:

She's not too bad- seems to enjoy the beef flavored baby food the best, so I need to go get her a few more jars of that. She was eating crunchies the other night, and seems to either have resigned herself to getting stuff squirted in her mouth every few hours, or actually is beginning to like the taste of this stuff, because she's fighting me less. (I have the "position" down to a science. If you ever need to give a cat a liquid, kneel behind them, with one leg on either side of their body, hold their front with one hand, and maneuver the syringe into the side of their mouth. When they open up, squirt toward the throat, and all is well.)

Just refilled her drugs, and pepcid, and bought the most ass-kickin' device ever sold for 2.00 and change. A pill crusher. With storage for 2 types of pills underneath it! Duh! I've been smashing up her pills with a spoon, on a piece of foil, since she had to go on them. This is a LOT easier. I've also discovered that if I thin down her food in an aluminum foil cupcake liner, I can pour it right into the top of her syringe. Woo! Streamlining is good.

And with that, I think I'll go get her some food.


Blogger Memphis Word Nerd said...

Pssst...you have mail. Yes, real mail. No, not the electronic kind. Because I? Decided that four (?) months is entirely too long to take to mail something. Finally.

Translated into English: I finally mailed your book today and I included an extra "happy" because you are so patient. On the down side, now that I understand your job a little better, this book doesn't really apply. On the very down side, you don't even work there any more. On the not-so-down side, it's still an awesome book and everyone should read it.

*slinks back into quiet corner to resume life of procrastination*

6:52 PM  
Blogger Special Sauce said...

Mail ROCKS! Thank you so much MWN! And hey! I have plenty of time to read it now, and I can use the information in the future, I'm sure. It sounds like it's an awesome book, and thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Procrastination also happens to be my middle name. Just sayin'.

7:16 PM  

Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home