Special Sauce

A mish-mash of twisted thoughts from a fevered ego. Updated when the spirit moves me, contents vary and may have settled during shipping. Do not open towards eyes. Caution: Ingestion of Special Sauce may cause hair loss, halitosis, and a burning sensation while urinating.


I Heart Target.

And yes, today's post will be all about spendy stuff, because it's not often when I look in my checking account, and expect to see a little money, and find there's a whole hell of a lotta money in there. (And makes me seriously consider going to Key West for 2 weeks and saying fuckit, but that's not the fiscally responsible thing to do, free abode notwithstanding.)

Mamma Sauce decided she wanted to go to Target, which is in the next county over, so we got to make a morning of it, and hit our favorite deli too. Fun weekend for sure.

I was remarkably restrained in my spendyness. No clothes, unless you count socks, (but I will be taking a trip to the local lane bryant to buy some cute, I-beam-constructed-yet-ever-so-attractive make the twins sit up on my shoulders perk-inducing bras, because it has been so... so long.) (OK minor ranting, probably have done it before, and menfolk, feel free to ignore this. Why is it that if a girl is a bit on the chunktastic side, unless she spends an assload at Lane Bryant, she's stuck looking like your aunt mildred on a carnival cruise to Mexico? Seriously people. I know part of it's my own fault because I should be passin' on the cheese plate, but for the love of christ, I shouldn't be stuck with battleship-inspired undergarments, shapeless muu-muus and prints that make clowns cry. I know what looks good on me, and quite frankly, Bright Orange Capri Pants that give me Cankles paired with an Oversized Wrinkly Cheesecloth Shirt With Dinnerplate Sized Hibiscus Flowers isn't it. I have curves, people. I have a fabulous rack. I have cute hips. My thighs... well, there's a reason why I wear skirts, people. I do not want to look like a sausage about to burst from its casing, but I want things to Hug. My. Curves. And more importantly, I want them to be cute. I am a cute girl, for the love of Elvis! I want to dress that way. Arr! And I don't want to have to sell a kidney to look nice either.

Fucking bastard fashion designers. Yes, putting the fork down and hitting the gym is one thing that will help, but not all fat girls should be punished with ugly-ass outfits either. Looking good shouldn't just be for pre-teens with zero body fat. Sewing your own doesn't help either. Most commercially available patterns are for stick figures too. Unless you want to invest time in learning about customizing fit for a fuller chest, or wider waist, you're farked. Trust me, fat girl patterns are few and far between, and most of them suffer from the clown mentality too. The designer that comes up with attractive, stylish clothes- readywear or patterns- for fat girls who don't want to dress like ho's will make a fecking mint. /rant)

Where was I?


Yeah. No clothes except socks, and you'd think, given the doughy build of the average person who lives the next county over, you think they'd have more than 2 racks of fat clothes. You'd be thinking incorrectly though.

I did, however, find a gorgeous bedspread and sheet set on clearance. It's the "True Blue" collection. The website doesn't quite do it justice, because it's much more of an Indian sort of look, than bed and breakfasty. But I am lurving it, and have some good ideas for bedroom redecoration once I'm able. Best part? Stuff was marked down a good 20 bucks each so... huzzah!

And I got to go to the big Borders, and saw that at least 4 people I worked with at my old store still work at this other location. I had 4 years in when I quit 5 years ago, and these guys had worked there bfore I had started... that's... well that's just sick, y'know. Although, it's very easy to see how you could get in 10 years, they used to be really good to work for.

Anyway, swell weekend. Evil's peeing a little more, finally, and is being sociable again, so I think the worst has passed. We shall see.


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