Special Sauce

A mish-mash of twisted thoughts from a fevered ego. Updated when the spirit moves me, contents vary and may have settled during shipping. Do not open towards eyes. Caution: Ingestion of Special Sauce may cause hair loss, halitosis, and a burning sensation while urinating.


Bad Job Theater

I read someone else's blog today, and it reminded me of one of the crappiest places I ever worked.

"The DMV"

(Why it's in quotation marks will be revealed momentarily.)

This got me thinking about other horrendous jobs I've had. And yes, I have worked a lot of different places. Sometimes simultaneously, sometimes not. Behold- I give you....

The Crappy Job List

(in no particular order)

1. "The DMV" (full story to come)
2. Walgreens Pharmacy Tech
3. The Little Nonprofit That Could (rob you of your dignity)
4. TJ Maxx
5. the Bird-in-Hand Restaurant
6. Nova Data Entry

Walgreens and the "DMV" get their own stories, as they were heinous. You all know about #3 by now. TJ Maxx bit it because it was my first job out of high school, and since I had a brain they knew they could use me everywhere. And they did. That's the first of only two places I've ever walked out before the end of a shift. The Bird In Hand Restaurant sucked because I was a busser, and that's always a shit job. Plus we made flat minimum wage, and never ever got tipped out by the servers. Also, can you say "tourist trap"? I knew you could.

Nova... Nova gets its own paragraph. I worked there part time because I could type quickly, listen to Bill Hicks, and make some quick cash in between jobs. And my mom worked there, she sort of guilted me into it. The work itself wasn't horrible, but people, if you're going to fill out a survey card at a store, or sign up to get coupons and things, do us all a favor- PRINT LEGIBLY. I don't have time to decipher your scrawl. The main reason that place sucked was because the mail processing area was adjacent to the data entry area and the breakroom. ALL of the mail processors smoked, like chimneys, in the mail and break areas. Which gave me migraines. Often. Blah.

OK. That said...


It's in quotes, because I merely worked for the call center, which wasn't even in the same county as the main DMV offices. (They're about 45 miles away) I lasted there 3 months after training (which was a month), and it was one of the crappiest jobs ever. I don't do well in an environment where people bitch at me all day long (retail? No problem. Food service? No problem. Cube where someone screams at me? Fuck off.) and despite the reassurances of the HR lead? Irates were a large portion of our call load.

Some of my favorite callers:

The woman who had been busted for DUI, and lost her license for a year called and said her welfare officer told her she could get a commercial license, so she could drive truck, even if she had a DUI. Yeah, because if you can't handle driving a car without being liquored up, I really want you on the road in an 18 wheeler. Um. No.

The woman who called to schedule a driving exam for her son. Nimrod. Yes, his given name.

Every caller from Philadelphia and Bucks County who couldn't figure out why they couldn't renew their license until they paid their parking tickets, and screamed at me because of it.

People who didn't understand that the DMV will not just "take your word for it" that you haven't been driving. If you lose your license due to suspension, you must send it to Harrisburg to start the suspension. If you don't, your suspension won't officially start until you do. No amount of "but I haven't been driving", and "I'm goin to come down there and get you" is going to change that fact. Sorry. Bitching at me won't do any good.

I'm going to let you all in on a little secret too. When you're talking to someone in a call center, and they ask to put you on hold... if you don't hear hold music... you're not ACTUALLY on hold, and they can still hear everything YOU say, while being able to say anything they want about you. So.. saying "this bitch doesn't know what she's fucking doing" or "This dumb operator believes I'm actually Freddy" are probably not really wise ideas. The first one is going to lose you any good will you had built up during the conversation, and the last one is going to get you busted.

And another thing. I know other people have said it, and nobody here reading this is guilty, but for the love of god, even if you've had the world's worst day, and you know the DMV (or Dell, or whoever) fucked you over, it's not a good idea to ever take it out on the person who answers the phone. When you treat them like a moron, you lose any chance you may have had to get them to "go beyond the call of duty" for you. They're going to get you off the phone as quickly as possible, and if you're a real ass, they're going to shuttle you off into the VRU and pray they never answer your call again.

Tomorrow (or maybe later) Walgreens.


Blogger luz de la luna said...

"The woman who called to schedule a driving exam for her son. Nimrod. Yes, his given name." lol

I think whoever names their child Nimrode should just be banned from, well... anything really!

Sounds like the call centre could have a whole blog devoted to it :-D

La Luna.

1:10 PM  
Blogger parcequilfaut said...

You referenced the Call Center User's Guide! (this is a new blog and that makes me happy.)

Is it schadenfreude when I'm happy that other people find being screamed at in a cubicle unacceptable? Thank God I'm in sales and that isn't the bulk of my day. Glad you got out -- my friend in hotel customer service called me last night and told me to get her an incall sales job before she blew her work up.

3:30 PM  

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