Special Sauce

A mish-mash of twisted thoughts from a fevered ego. Updated when the spirit moves me, contents vary and may have settled during shipping. Do not open towards eyes. Caution: Ingestion of Special Sauce may cause hair loss, halitosis, and a burning sensation while urinating.


Hoo Boy.

Damn, when I get pranked, I get pranked good.

The backstory.

I told you all yesterday that Bosslady threatened to show up at Stoltzfus' house last night to finish these stupid cards that don't NEED to be finished, but she's just being unreasonable about. And last night was also the night Odie and I were getting our pictures taken for mom's birthday.

Well, let me tell ya. Stoltzfus is officially taking every photo of me from now until the end of time, because damn if he didn't make me look swell. He even made Odie not look like a serial killer in training. (not that Odie looks like one, he just tends to look odd in pictures...)We're going through and picking the shots we like best, and photoshopping out cat hairs and ginormous freckles, and it took a while. We were having a blast. So G. Monkey comes up after her gallery opening, and we all hang out for a while.

Then Stoltzfus decides we need food. Cut to the restaurant, where we come up with an absolutely brilliant concept for a website which may, or may not, make its debut shortly. We also discuss that G. Monkey's mom totally got her for April Fool's day. And we all lament the fact that we didn't "get" anyone ourselves this year. G. Monkey mentions her talent for telling GREAT lies with a straight face, and as we're all exhausted, we head our separate ways.

I just got home, and was trying to get Evil her drugs, and get ready for the end of the night, when my cell phone rings. It's G. Monkey. I'm wonderin' what's going on, and answer the phone. And, it's not quite verbatim, but here we go...

SS: Yo, G. What's up.
GM: Hey, are you at home?
SS: Yeah, what do you need? I'm not in my PJ's yet.
GM: Well, we decided to go back to Stoltzfus's, and finish that wine, and when we got home Bosslady was on his steps, looking for his key.
SS: Oh shit. Shit. Ok. What's going on.
GM: She's over in the other room, acting the way she did when she was over at my house, and totally freaking out about some logo or something that you're supposed to have?
SS: FUCK! OK. Shit. It figures she'd fucking do this.
GM: Yeah, Stoltzfus is in there trying to calm her downr ight now, and he said to call you.
SS: Ok. Alright. Christ,I can't believe she's fucking there. OK. you're the most lucid of the bunch, I'm sure. The logo that she's asking about... (and mind you, I'm in like, hostage negotiator mode, right now, because all I can think of is "damn, do I NOT want to have to go back IN town") is it...
GM: Something about her brother's logo?
SS: AH! Julie. Her sister in law. Damnit, if the bitch would have read her damn email, like she's SUPPOSED TO, she'd see that it's coming MONDAY.
GM: Well, she's freaking out on Stoltzfus and acting all crazy, I'm trying to talk quiet, because I don't want her to hear me and get even more angry.
SS: Just tell her, the logo is on their website if she's that desperate, but the high rez version will be here MONDAY. Can she wait until monday?
GM: Monday.
SS: Monday. I swear, it should be there, if not she needs to talk to her sister in law.
GM: Well, but if she doesn't get it till monday, it won't still be April first, will it?
SS: (As it finally dawns on me) FUCK! You're fucking with me!
GM, with Stoltzfus in the background: *imitating a noise we associate with bosslady*
SS: Damnit! You guys are evil! She SO would have showed up too.
GM: Muwahahaha. We realized it was 11:40, and we hadn't gotten anybody yet, so, you won!

Not bad for getting heart failure. And she was so very serious, with the right level of escalating panic. Girl could win an academy award.

And the local drive-in is showing Boogieman and the Ring 2, so if it stops raining, we're going. With luck, they'll show Sin City next week.


Blogger parcequilfaut said...

I pissed someone off by thinking too much about it being April Fool's, because Kabalist Kevin wrecked his car last night.

He's OK, the car is fixable. But he was REALLY mad at CDHSarah and I for even thinking he'd joke about something that serious.

6:55 PM  

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