Special Sauce

A mish-mash of twisted thoughts from a fevered ego. Updated when the spirit moves me, contents vary and may have settled during shipping. Do not open towards eyes. Caution: Ingestion of Special Sauce may cause hair loss, halitosis, and a burning sensation while urinating.



Dear Boss Lady,

Thanks for giving me a job. I really like getting a paycheck, and you're not as evil as the last Benevolent Dictator I worked for. However, I have a teensy complaint. Well, maybe two or three teensy complaints, but they're minor, honest. I want to stress that you're a really swell person, so I just need to say this so it doesn't blow up on me later.

You know that mailing you wanted to send out during the first week of December? The 1500 piece one? If you want me to just do it, say so, 'cause I don't mind. I've got enough time that I can probably slam it out in one day, if I don't work on anything else. But, when you tell me your kids are going to do it, well, I think of other things I need to work on, and I do them instead. Then, when I come in the morning after you swear that someone's going to work on stuff, and it hasn't been touched, I get a little frustrated, but I know how busy you and your family are. When I come in the third time after you've sworn they'd be finished, I get a little angry, because I could have had this done by now.

Also, while I don't mind being alone out here, I hate being told "I'm coming out to talk with you today" and never seeing you at all. This is a minor deal, but lets stop pretending. You're incredibly busy (by choice or by force, I won't say) and I'm in your employ. You don't have to come out in person and delegate tasks, but it would be nice if you'd email me, or call me and let me know exactly what you want me to do, or I will spend my day making the website look pretty, and trying to research things that I think might be important, only to find out they're not what you want at all. This can be quite frustrating.

Also, I've politely asked for the items I need to do my job (i.e. set up QuickBooks) for a month now. Short of the use of duct tape and a staple gun to pin you into one place for an hour, I don't know how else to obtain the check copies I need. Also, I'm all for saving money, and filling out our tax forms ourselves (read:myself) but I have no background financial information, and I can't complete 90% of the paperwork. In this case, it may be in your best interest to actually pay someone to do this. If you have any suggestions, I'd love to hear them. For now, however, you are impeding my job, and it's making me a little cranky.

To sum up, I'm a very bright girl, but this isn't my organization, it's yours. I need to know what you want me to do, so I can do it for you. I also need the tools to do my job properly and I need them in a timely fashion. I shouldn't have to remind you 15 times that I need something, and I would hope that you expect the same from me.


Special Sauce
Employee of Every Month


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